Replying to Windows XP problems...ohhh boy

ok so after getting my ext dvd burner for christmas, im finially fed up with this damn laptop. anything ive plugged into this bitch (flash memory, digi cam, camcorder, burner) for like the past year or so won't work. any plug and play devices(that work fine on my desktop and are recognized easily)are not recognized at all on the laptop. even my built in dvdrom doesnt work cause it says the driver is corrupted or missing. this comp has only been connected to the internet twice(and that is to run windows update) so a virus is def the problem....>>>????help me please. its pissing me the fuck off.