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Your exhaust / stereo produces more decibels than your engine produces horsepower.
You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
We will include the fact that you actually have slicks on the front.
Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
You painted your hood black.
You have unpainted fiberglass parts on your car.
You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual.
Neutral drops are the only way to smoke your tires, so you do one at every stop sign.
DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
You claimed to have installed a Honda engine into anything Non-Honda.
A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
Your car looks like a gay pride parade float.
Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
Your rims are of a larger diameter then your factory tires.
100 spoke Daytons look cool on anything and everything, even that Plymouth Reliant Station Wagon (with the fake wood trim)
The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
The mechanics have to drive the car up onto 2x4s just to get the car onto a lift.
Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1".
You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
You ask the guys at Autozone to borrow tools so you can clamp on that Cherry Bomb and chrome exhaust tip you just bought from them.
You need their assistance to install the parts.
Your Neon ACR is an automatic.
Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
You believe that a lower center of gravity ALWAYS improves handling and are willing to forgo things like swaybars or shocks to "get in the weeds"
You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
Your thoroughly impressed when all that hard work finally pays off with a 15 sec ET.
You run OEM sized exhaust into a glasspack, then add a 4" chrome tip to "reduce backpressure"
Your rear wing AND your rear window have a 3rd brake light.
Your rear wing doubles as a coffee table (or looks like it used to be one).
Your more concerned that the back lighting in the gauges works long before the actual gauges are hooked up (assuming you even are bothered to hook them up).
You have temp gauge(s) for your amp(s) and rely on the factory "idiot light" for oil pressure.
You cut 4 coil out of your springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
You believe "drifting" is the shortest and fastest way around a corner.
You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
You install clear corner and brake lights with colorred bulbs.
Blowers are nice but you'd rather be stickercharged.
You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
Your too cheap for neons so you rig up some Xmas tree lights.
You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match.
Your rear spoiler is taller (or fatter) then you are.
If you can fist your exhaust tip.
You have more wattage than some radio stations.
If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you've done to your engine yet.
If your trying to decide whether "The Tornado"™ or Split Fire™ spark plugs offer more bang for the buck.
You get saucy and decide you can afford both -- now your Swift is a real pavement pounder.
Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three-tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
You have a nonfunctional air inlet/scoop ANYWHERE.
EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
Your car is really fast because you installed 2 NOS bottles (the really big ones).
You fail to know that NOS is a company that supplies Nitrous Oxide Systems (or an acronym for New Old Stock)
Your $45,000. total investment into a 1,500 horsepower Supra runs the 1/4 1 second faster then a bone stock 86 Grand National.
You spent $5,000 (or more) on the engine and you cannot out run a bone stock V-8 Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang (especially when you brag about outruning the V-6 variations).
You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
You installed a fake "naws" purge.
You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4 mile.
The automatic (once tweaked) runs the same ET but at a slower trap speed.
If the 1970 Plymouth Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
You think sports cars can have back-seats.
A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance.
You hear a lawn mower start and think that is "one mean sounding Honda"
You look at performance solely by gross HP/cc, and this causes you think your 1.8 liter producing nearly 160 horses is cooler than a 350 HP Camaro.
You believe engines should ping every time you let off the gas.
If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque.
If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
Your car is stock except for .... (stock means stock).
If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog/driving lights.
If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your ET.
Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards).
You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Tiberon.
If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door/window frame.
If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
You can't forget to apply the stickers to your car (less wind resistance).
Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!").
After riding in your car, people can close their eyes and still see the color of your interior upholstery.
If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts/tape.
If you think that 180 horsepower and 125 LB/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
You have stickers on your car for parts, EVERYONE else knows aren't made to fit a Toyota (i.e., a Holley Dominator sticker for your Celica).
You think pushrods are a bad thing…
You've never seen a timing CHAIN, just rubber bands.
Your car has more then 16 decals and you don't even run 16 second quarters.
Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Civic was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
If you gutted the interior to save weight and installed every "go fast goodie" you could find for a car that you will never take to the track…
You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
If you can estimate that your car makes more than 450 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
You believe that dyno results win races.
You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
If you have ever thought Nissan and "performance" are synonymous.
If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Prism…
If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself...
If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar.
You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon™ and it's peeling - Badly.
Your DSM isn't really rice because it was made in Illinois.
Your Toyota built Prism isn't rice because of that Chevy emblem.
You claim that polishing your intake gave you 25hp.
You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially if its a RX-7 - rotary engine, duh).
You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
Spending almost twice the cost of a new Z-06 is justified by your Accord running a comparable ET.
You race every weekend at the dragstrip but you don't know the number or sequence of the amber lights on a bracket or pro-tree.
You didn't know there was a difference.
Street racing is cool/tracks are for wusses (tell that to Warren Johnson).
If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
You think carbon fiber look plastic interior trim makes your car cool.
You estimate a 10 sec ET using a stop watch and your odometer.
Your cool with domestics because your other vehicle is a GMC 454SS (these were Chevy's) or a Chevy Cyclone....(please note: GMC Syclone, Cyclones were Mercury).
You've spent large sums of money buying carbon fiber and fiberglass parts, yet you still have the carpeting, headliner, door panels, power locks, power windows, a stereo, A/C and that power moonroof.
You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible.
If you paint your factory calipers red to simulate a set of Brembos.
If you install fake hi-PO caliper/disc simulators.
If you install covers painted to match the body to hide your stock brakes/suspension that would otherwise be highly visible through the spokes of your 18 inch BBS rims.
You have a front wing.
If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14" wheels with disc style wheel covers.
If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™.
If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool.
If you think colored head lights work better.
Clear tail lights and turn signals. They're colored for a REASON!
If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it.
You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch.
You refer to your Neon as a "mini-Viper". Yanno RT/10 owners must love that.
You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice.
Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths ahead of you... and claiming victory.
After losing you, flip off the winner, rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose (even around a corner).
Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills".
You are a white kid driving an import.. wearing baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
You drive around in a $3,000 import with $25,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
You can relate to every line of the song "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring.
Good Charlotte is punk, not just an over-glorified boy band.
You quote The Fast and The Furious.
You really believe a 10 sec car was built from that burnt up shell.
You impatiently waited for the sequel.
You and your buddies spend the weekend at Sonic watching both movies on your indash DVD player.
You relate to Eminim because you lived his life (aside from the money and fame).
Last but not least, a Z-24 just smoked you.
