Replying to Drunk Classifications

Which one are you?

Random drunk running guy- Where are you going? And why are you running?

Crying girl on cell phone- Yes, Sweetheart, when you are hammered is a great time to deal with your relationship problems.

High Five guy- Just happy to be hammered. Everyone needs a high five!

Drunken chanters- SHUT UP!

Fight anyone guy- Can't you find something better to do when you get trashed? .....like having a good time? How about trying to get laid? Better start a fight over something important like collars or haircuts.

Stumbling high heel girl- You can barely walk in them when you are sober, why would you think that shots of cheap booze would help your cause?

Antisocial obliterated “I’m just here for the booze� guy- This character doesn’t care at all about socializing and leaves as soon as the keg is kicked. What an inspiration.

Herd of Freshmen- You like to travel in groups to the nearest frat house to wait in line for Natural Ice or Milwaukee's Best, while being talked down to.

Straight to Gay in 2 beers guy- It's cool, man, just come out of the closet. Your friends are here to support you.

Hypothermia girl- The wind chill is five below zero, but you are still wearing a mini-skirt and your tatas are hanging out.

Philosophical slurring drunk- You have the answer to everything and especially enjoy getting into lighthearted discussions about subjects such as politics, religion, and abortion.

Drama/ Freak out girl- Wait… everyone's having a great time? Better divert all the attention to your petty problem.

Too much too quick guy- You tried to show off early in the night with successive shots or double beer bongs, now you are passed out on the couch with a fake moustache and penis drawn on your face.

Group of girls in bathroom- Are you helping each other wipe or comparing hoohahs?

“We Cool?� guy - Can usually be found right behind "fight anyone guy." You like to pretend you’re trying to diffuse the situation, while promptly escalating fight if "We Not Cool."

Grinding, reach around, dancer guy- If you're not a freshman getting drunk at frats for the first time, they are most likely just a sleazebag.

Keg Power trip guy- You are the "commander of the keg." You arm yourself with the keg hose and get off by controlling who gets beer.

“Wanna take shots in my room?� guy- Classy

Bodybuilder/ light beer drinker - You drink a case of cheap light beer, then work out for 3 hours next day to "get rid of all the toxins."

The drinking dictator- You like to make all the rules. You spout out gems like, “Drink more, faster!� and “No! A two doesn’t clear!�

“Let’s go drink more at my place and watch a movie� guy- Works every time.

Get a room couple- Do you think an apartment couch is a cheap, pay by the hour motel room?

Daredevil- You enjoy blacking out, jumping over things and risking your life whenever possible.

Keg groupies- You stand in a group of three or four, never more than an arm's length away from "the precious."

Random old guy- Are you an alumni? Someone's dad? Trying to get 18-year-old ass?

“I can’t believe he is still puking� guy- You can usually be found in the bathroom, but less classy specimen may be found at the nearest sink or garbage can.

Pee on stuff guy- Peeing in bushes is one thing, but Christ, the Xbox?! Really?!

Break shit guy- You are hammered, so the material world will pay the price!

Raspy voice yelling girl- Seriously, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

"Where's the motherfucking pussy?" Guy- Every place you go had better be packed with hot chicks or, by God, will you be bitching…not that you’re going to get ass anyway, but whatever.

Taken from College Humor

"You know, I'm sick of following my dreams man. I'm just gonna ask them where they're going, and hook up with them later." R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg