Member of the Month

hi_vis360
November, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Hilarious advice:

profile picture
katesd
Posts: 1483 - Karma: 11
This is a question sent to an advice column in a magazine. The response to this woman's "dilemma" kills me:

Dilemma: Dear Lynn,
I have a HUGE crush on a gorgeous guy who is rich, smart and funny - in short, perfect for me. Not to sound boastful, but I'm a young, extremely attractive, successful gal. My dilemma? Mr. Parfait is involved with a dowdy, older (than me) woman who no one likes. I've invited them both to a dinner party, and wonder what I should wear and how I can best snatch this gem? -name withheld, Toronto.

Answer: Miss Thing,
What a devastating dilemma! Why are all the great guys taken by women who clearly don't deserve them? I think you should emulate Nancy Allen in Carrie and pour a bucket of pigs' blood on her head during the main course.
In truth, I can't advise you strongly enough to keep your hands off. I doubt she deserves this kind of malice-with-forethought and any stealable man isn't worth having. If you must proceed, why not dress as the monster you are in a headdress of snakes, a scale covered bodysuit and a choice set of fangs or horns. Try Malabar costume shop or just ask Satan the next time you two are speaking. -lynn.

Well I thought it was funny.....


-katie
Jun 1 2005 2:56PM
0 0
profile picture
AndrewZ
Posts: 759 - Karma: 36
Wow, thats really funny, finally an advice colum worth reading.

BIKE-SKI-LIVE
Jun 1 2005 2:58PM
0 0
profile picture
Nico
Posts: 1194 - Karma: 10
wow that was awesome. i wonder what the lady did when she read that

Half a binding, half a brain, twice the fun.

pas de ski, pas de vie.

Jun 1 2005 2:59PM
0 0
profile picture
tricksterboardin
Posts: 662 - Karma: 10
hahaha thats good,what paper or site is that from?

///////////////////////////////////////i am Sum Ting Wong praise me- Sum Ting Wong july 5th 2004 CANADA KICKS ASSS
Jun 1 2005 2:59PM
0 0
profile picture
DANETRON
Posts: 6671 - Karma: 137
Hahaha
"If you must proceed, why not dress as the monster you are in a headdress of snakes, a scale covered bodysuit and a choice set of fangs or horns. Try Malabar costume shop or just ask Satan the next time you two are speaking."

_______________________________________

Fuck off signature

Representin the 518



LINE KICKS ASS
Jun 1 2005 3:00PM
0 0
profile picture
Craigskis
Posts: 6650 - Karma: 1,645
Bitchees ain't shit but hoes and tricks.

live by the N.E.R.D
Jun 1 2005 3:00PM
0 0
profile picture
katesd
Posts: 1483 - Karma: 11
I found it in a fashion magazine while looking for images for a project a couple years back. I ripped it out and its been in my drawer since then... at the bottom though, it says "send your dilemma to dilemma@fashionmagazine.com"


-katie
Jun 1 2005 3:03PM
0 0
profile picture
hucker22
Posts: 6176 - Karma: 23
BURN


__________________

put on whatever makes you attractive
if it's not you then do it for the sake of fashion
your friends like a certain you
that's who you've got to be
Jun 1 2005 3:10PM
0 0
profile picture
almostaskier
Posts: 13809 - Karma: 93
hahaha, nice, true honesty...

- Patty

*NS Skateboarders* Vas y il l'a cassé!

the previous might have been pure genious, but it wasn't my intention. sorry. that's why i put in all those typos...
Jun 1 2005 3:25PM
0 0
profile picture
lanks
Posts: 12544 - Karma: 73
"or just ask Satan the next time you two are speaking. -lynn."

hahahah! gold.



-Joel

~Phunkin Phatt Phreerider~
Capital City Rider, DFP
Silent Army

'Everybody calls me a zero. But I'm an internet hero.'
Jun 1 2005 4:16PM
0 0
profile picture
Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,061
yeah thats great advice. this type of thing really frustrates me. just as Chris Rock pointed out in his stand up act 'Never Scared' .. a guy will look at his buddy's girlfriend and say 'awe thats nice, i want to find a girl like her' .. a girl will look at her best friend's boyfriend and say 'i want HIM'. and she will do anything in her power to get him.

girls are bitches when it comes to this. they just always want more, and are ALWAYS wanting what they can't/don't have.

'what can i do to STEAL him from her...'

that shit just flat out pisses me the fuck off.


stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

-Justin
(dfp represent)


keep it real.
Jun 1 2005 4:33PM
0 0
profile picture
Ski-hobo
Posts: 7121 - Karma: 15
I like how the bitch says RICh first..





"When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve."


" i saw samuel l. jackson sessioning some urban rails with emilio estevez a few years ago" i_am_a_skier
Jun 1 2005 4:35PM
0 0
profile picture
katesd
Posts: 1483 - Karma: 11
^yeah! I noticed that one too. I wouldve told her the same thing.


-katie
Jun 1 2005 4:50PM
0 0
profile picture
icecreamsandwich
Posts: 3207 - Karma: 25
now thats what all advice should sound like...nice and sarcastic..but honest.

.stacer.
Jun 1 2005 5:43PM
0 0
profile picture
Knewnews
Posts: 2093 - Karma: 477
that is sweet. supposed to help a person and then just tears them up perfectly.

====================
chill
It's my medicine
Jun 1 2005 6:20PM
0 0
profile picture
SteezePatrol
Posts: 10281 - Karma: 36
well thats what the bitches are....bitches

~~~~~~~~*****~~~~~~~~~
If it aint Gorilla, it aint Steeze

i'm not even trying to be mean...but, you look borderline retarded -freerider_klo

My girlfriend wants to experiment with 'doggy style' because regular stance is becoming boring. The only problem is that she's really small and I think I'm too big to really give it to her. I'm 25 and she's 11 years old. What should I do?? - some newb
Jun 1 2005 6:23PM
0 0
profile picture
Apple
Posts: 7906 - Karma: 33
ohh man. Personaly i love the way that she just assumes that he will like her, no matter what. Oh so arrogant.

Like a virgin on promnight!

-Thom Savery
please pardon the cacography
.C.C.R..P.P.P.

'naahhmahhnahh
hahhh ... i mean ... the weekend of monday'
"go down to the bottom bunk and finish yourself"
"I may be the last to cross the finish line, but at least im in the first race - pun intended"
Jun 1 2005 7:25PM
0 0
profile picture
ATLskier
Posts: 8203 - Karma: 406
thank you you wasted 2 minutes of my life

i cant take him[liam downey] seriously cuz his name reminds me of that downy bear from back when i was a kid -d loc

Imagine the ns outcry if u(lateralis) were banned. There would be countless threads and petitions to bring u back, it would be like when treadway got banned from whistler. Someone would probably make and sell 'Free Lateralis' stickers and shit. -j
Jun 1 2005 7:27PM
0 0
profile picture
Anson
Posts: 1348 - Karma: 11
Dude, I have no doubt that any attractive woman holds unlimited power over men. I wouldn't take offence if a beautiful woman tries to lure me away from my woman, I'd be proud - and flattered. Not saying that I would do it, but I'd be happy that someone thought like that.

________________
My Lamentable plight... ...I am calamity.
Jun 1 2005 7:30PM
0 0
profile picture
ski_naked
Posts: 447 - Karma: 9
that was pretty stupid, plus who the hell would ever do that, NO ONE, god damn, you people keeping stealing my life in bits and peaces

Jun 1 2005 7:33PM
0 0
profile picture
Girays_Brother
Posts: 13973 - Karma: 1,636
SERVED

I HATE NY PRODUCTION

- BOGART!!!!!!!!
Jun 1 2005 7:37PM
0 0
profile picture
mattster
Posts: 4120 - Karma: 41
i thougt it was kinda funny. but not hilarious

*****************************************
-Matt

NS SKATEBOARDERS

Jun 1 2005 8:12PM
0 0
profile picture
Luc.
Posts: 7540 - Karma: 59
woman always go straight for the wallet......

DFSC-Reprsent

Jun 1 2005 8:40PM
0 0
profile picture
katesd
Posts: 1483 - Karma: 11
you are very welcome, seriously.


-katie
Jun 1 2005 10:58PM
0 0
All times are Eastern (-5)