Well, i found something to do with my last few posts and that something is immortalizing The Dave. So I, and the yamatom give you part 2 of Legends of The Dave. Read it, love it, live it.
The Dave, cool like Coolio, looked around at the individuals around him. Without a word he gave them all a “what up� nod, and silent as the bobcats he’d spent a month and a half living with in the Sierra Nevadas, he started walking again. Something was wrong for The Dave though, after 19 years of livin with his mom on his heels… he now heard nothing. He looked back to see her standing with the group and the last phrase he heard, spoken with the authority of a certified Line technician, before turning to continue on his way was “ever made love to a man?….. WANT TO?� And, with that, The Dave kept thuggin his way towards Whistler.
Thuggin without buggin is what the dave does best. For a man that can flow like jesus, the Sierra Nevada's were nothing. Spitting that hot fire as he always did, Dave fucked bitches until he wanted to take a nap, and nap he did. The Dave slept for 3 days straight. so dave wakes up from his 3 day sleep party, to see royce the nickel nine kickin it next to him, waiting to take the dave to brunch. At brunch, Masta Killa, Inspectah Deck, and DJ Kay Slay are chillin and rompin on fat stacks of pancakes. Dave knew something was up, he smiled as he felt melatonin flowin in his skin. The boys told The Dave that they would be taking Mt. Baker back from the Indians - and given back to the Portuguese. Rep Rep.
So 5’9 and the boys hopped in their ride, but before they could roll Ak came off a show and starts flowin back, “then this other brother stepped up from his crew, a thugged out small-fry I called him Royce the 5’2. The people in the place they would neva go wit him. They knew he lacked manhood and professionalism. By now niggas shoulda went home in disgrace but this little dog’s still jumpin up in my face. I let him rhyme about his guns record deals and rings, whole time knowin I could knock him out with one swing. But if I throw a punch and make this idiot push me, this man will probably pull out the tool just like a pussy.� But basically Royce and the crew weren’t having it so they pulled out their pieces. And you know, things escalated quickly, I mean they really got out of hand fast. But The Dave wasn’t having it, so with the power of Coolio, Biggie, Tupac AND Too Short (with a dash of Celph), he flowed a flow with a heavenly voice, like Erkle, that can be heard every Friday night, like Erkle. Basically he reduced some straight thugs to tears, and as the clouds parted above him, continued towards Whistler in a beam of shimmering light.
The only bad thing about the shimmering light, was that it came from a young man by the name of Ajit de Saint Phalle who holds down the whole rap scene in the Pacific North West. Ajilly Mc St Philly was straight up reppin Mt. Bachelor. And rep did he ever. Ajit was spittin that hot fire like dilon. Back in tha day rappin was a game until you got paid// Dave rapplin like //Bitchs makn samichs writtin raps in tha kitchen// rappin like// hoes slappin dik in the city// rappin like// fred durst dont make dis honkey burst// Ajit rapped that shit all the way accross the Washington Oregon border. only true MC's can rap accross states even without a mic. The Dave was furious, he began to hate the AJDSP, so he got to the stage and started the verbal nuclear warfare. "Welcome to the DP Mixtape niggas// fake niggas rokn out to beats// go bak to sukn on yo mommas teats// THE DAVE brings it from Shao Lin to New York// So fresh like muslims be eatin pork// fuck yo shit its bit// i catch you sharks in my baseball mitt// im tha monsta in the slum goin rum pum pum PUM// bustin nuts fuckin sluts up in butts// mothafucka im the DAVE// I an scarred of no rappa im the gun clappa// cover the globe like the sun tan that covers my gun hand. “Niggas named Saint Phalle//hoody hoo im a Saint Baller// i aint bein complex with yo long name// sophisticated like yo wife who i fucked when she was inebriated�
Well after the rap battle that went down with one nukka throwin down after another, the dust still settling, mouths hanging agape and root beers securely thrown in fridges The Dave and AJoda DSP stared deep into each others’ souls and flashed a crooked out peace sign. With that the bond was complete and a team like so many others before them was born. Batman and robin, THall and weed, the lone ranger and tonto, man and a sandwich. So basically the new duo looked piously around at the fools around them and started walking again, guided by AJehova DSP’s guiding light. Coming out of the mountains, the two headed up the road towards Canada by way of Lynden… though their actual crossing would not be confined by such conventional institutions as border crossings. K so they’re c-walking their way down the highway when they’re noticing a pretty intense hunger coming on from the day’s epic domination. In a twist of strange franchising, they stumbled upon a White Castle. While not normally found in these parts, and serving food that The Dave’s stomach couldn’t possibly handle after a life-time of living off the land, and for that matter completely useless to the omniscient The Dave, the two hit up the White Castle anyway. As they approached, a single character wandered out the door with some homeboys and a couple fodies.
An who cares, cuz no ones lookin anyway is what the boyz said. AJeenyus started bustin caps, caps of IBC rootbeer that was previously refrigerated. A jay DSP was rippin shit like John Lee Hooker. AJ Got Wheels of Polished Steel// we big fish n we keep it reel // come to a stop n them rims keep spinnin// DSP Stand Fo Defiant// cuz im AJ tha GIANT// Everyone around was like OOOOOOH OOOOOOOOOOOOH like a nasy game of street ball, white castle had turned into the sickest hip hop party yet. DSP telepathy and DAVERY aka The Rapical Jesus were birthed.
Suddenly fodies were flyin and the White Castleites burst forth in praise. As malt liquor filled the air, the leader of the White Castleites was like “that shit was straight COKE CHICKEN and you know it. You know like the rooster gets in there and he gets his jacksons and rolls em up and spreads it out and lyfe is good. Yo yo, guy this here’s my boi, he works at the White Castle and his name is Jesus and he’s seriously my homeboy cause I walked up wanting my western bacon chee and I see Jesus and all I can say is ‘ I know yo my homeboy… be on my t-shirt please? Not like that… but like that, you know, not that but that.’ And then I ordered some fries and a liter of cola, aint that shit right Jesus?� A tall Hispanic guy next to the leader responded, “Yeah mah Tom boi.� But a long silence followed as The Rapical Jesus looked at Jesus. Disregarding the name similarity between the two, that was only apparent to The Dave, they each noticed some physical similarities… which was odd due to the unique distinctions of The Dave’s birth. But anyway, The Rapical Jesus starts tossin down a beat, kind of like the guitar business Antonio Banderas throws down in Desperado. Well Jesus knew what was up and he stepped forward. The boi Tom staggered back and stood watching and swaying. Anyway Jesus reached his arms out as if to embrace The Rapical Jesus and opened his mouth to speak. But he stood silent, gaping, everyone around awaiting the moment of confirmation. Jesus let go of the burger-fart that had held him back and spoke, saying “The Dave, I am your father… by marriage… where’s yo mom esse?�. The Dave said, “she ran off with some Schmuck.� Jesus said, “shit.�
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Jesus lives, so does Tupac... and Biggie.
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