Replying to What do you think?

I'm applying for a scholarship to Outward Bound this summer. To apply, you had to write an essay describing why you think you should be choosen to go, and what program you would want to take. Here is my essay, I'm asking you to read it and leave any suggestions regarding grammer or just ideas on how to improve in general. I think that the ending is akward, so if anyone has a suggestion on that I would appreciate it! Thank you very much for helping, this is something I really want to do this summer. and please don't respond with 'oh thats too long, I'm not going to read it' its only 561 words. Thank you in advance for anyone who helps.


Hello! My name is Colleen Moore, and I am currently a sixteen year old sophomore at Duxbury High School. When I first heard about the Outward Bound scholarship, I was excited and nervous at the same time. I knew at once I wanted to apply for this scholarship. I had heard of Outward Bound before, and knew it was some sort of outdoor summer camp-type experience. I was immediately interested in the scholarship because I love hiking and being outdoors. I picked up the application in guidance and then went home and browsed the Hurricane Island website. I found many interesting adventures and experiences on the website, all of which I wish I could do. There is one program that I find especially interesting: Maine Coast Sailing and Rock Climbing.
Outward Bound appears to be a challenging program. You live with very simple commodities for 16 days, and are away from everything familiar. While 16 days seems like a long time to be away from everyone and everything you know, I believe it would be a wonderful experience for me. I enjoy challenging myself. Once I accomplish something, I always want to move on to the next level, and get that much better at something. If I can’t achieve something, I work hard until I can. I take on challenges with a positive and open mind. I believe Outward Bound will be challenging, no matter what program you choose.
I have sailed at DBMS for three summers before, and fell in love with the sport. Sailing is something you can do no matter how old you are. It is overall a very fun, as well as an independent sport. In sailing, whether you are in your own boat or with a crew, you need to know at all times what you are doing. Sailing teaches you independence, trust, and self discipline. These are three qualities I believe everyone needs to be successful in life. Outward Bound’s boat sailing program would teach all of these skills through their sailing programs.
Rock climbing is something I have very minimal to no experience doing. The only time I have ever climbed something remotely close to a mountain is a rock climbing wall. I know that climbing a wall cannot compare to the rocks I would climb during my Outward Bound program, but I find that to be good. I want my time at Outward Bound to be full of experiences I never thought I could do. Rock climbing takes sheer courage and confidence. I feel that by accomplishing things I never thought I could do, such as rock climbing, I will become more grown up and confident in myself.
I believe that overall Outward Bound will be a very worthwhile experience for me. Maine is a gorgeous state, and there is no other place I would rather spend 16 days. I love being outside, on the ocean, and meeting new people. My time at Outward bound would not only include all of those things, but it would also help me grow as an individual. I would certainly learn new things about myself while on course, by constantly challenging myself and doing things I never thought I would do. I hope that you find me an excellent candidate for Outward Bound, and I thank you for taking your time and consideration while making this choice.