Replying to IN NEED OF HELP

So every wednesday night my friends and i have a tradition of going to wing night and so last night i found out that a couple of them were planning to saran wrap my entire car. so i parked my car in another place and had someone drive me there. when i left i found thier car and covered it with ketchup. I thought that was pretty calm considering these same "friends" that ive had for 12 years or so thought'd be funny to piss in my gastank during the winter and caused my fuel pump to shit the bed 1 exit from my sectionals race at gore. anyways this morning i get up for school a little late and walk out to my car and it is absolutely covered with ketchup, mustard, bbq sauce, eggs, and some fish thing. so i am beyond pissed that they stepped on to my property to do this. they are just really lucky my dad didnt hear them because he probably would have taken some shots at them because i do live in the country and people dont stop at our driveway or come down it, ever. i really need help with ways to get all three of them back. ive decided since im going to college next year and have 5 days of school left i could care less if they end up hating me. I already know that i am going to remove the stems from their tires while they are in school. and im trying to think of a way to lure them back to my house so i can wait with some friends and beat the shit out of them, or ill do it myself it makes no difference. i also plan on calling the cops on them when they are together this weekend and say that i heard there was going to be an underage drinking party at their location. anyways though i really need some good ideas THAT WONT GET ME ARRESTED.