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What We Learn From Porn...

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Roussel
Posts: 686 - Karma: 41
What We Learn From Porn...

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they 'high five' each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.

21. Nurses suck patients cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.

24. Women never have headaches.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to 'suck it'

26. Assholes are clean. (hey now, if you wash em...)

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's pants and find a cock there.



(I didnt write this)

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SkiboardMagazine.com
Jun 8 2004 2:32PM
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EastCoastPride
Posts: 11654 - Karma: 4,989
hahahahaha number 11 is great.

11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.



Teddy
WWTJSD?
Jun 8 2004 2:39PM
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stevie.
Posts: 956 - Karma: 10
its kind of sad cuz its slightly true. a lot of younger boys i know think the majority of all ^^ is reality. its crazy to realize how far the media can actually have an effect on some poor poor boys.


what do you call cheese that isn't yours?

life is too short so love the one you got cause you might get run over or you might get shot - sublime

save lives. ride line.

I smell burnt toast!!!
Jun 8 2004 2:45PM
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BMit
Posts: 1526 - Karma: 218
BAHAHAHAHA asian men dont exist... GOLD




Tip-2-Tip We Rule
Jun 8 2004 2:52PM
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asac
Posts: 12485 - Karma: 17
women are noisy fucks




---------------------
Good Fun With A Hand Gun.
hoodratz47: sweet your now black....
Jun 8 2004 2:53PM
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holyDINOSAURS
Posts: 7038 - Karma: 639
AWESOME
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S3p Represent
PBP Junkie
TMC For life
www.tmcmogul.com
five0 is a crazy sexy nutcracker motherfucker.'
Jun 8 2004 2:54PM
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canonrider
Posts: 2635 - Karma: 29
hahahhahahah bailey i was about to praise that one as well, fucking hilarious.... like funniest thing ever

asian men dont' exist oh god thats funny
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B
Jun 8 2004 2:57PM
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SkiUnit03
Posts: 3597 - Karma: 114
that is freaken awsome hahhahahha



Homestar!
Jun 8 2004 3:21PM
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Crystal-needs-a-park
Posts: 9939 - Karma: 15
there was a daily show interviewing the asian guy from teh original star trek about asian men in porn, as ussual it was hilarious.
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
i love watching people get nutted. i hate seeing naked fat people getting the box munched - BallinBU
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
Basically, you have to fly planes into buildings before anyone listens to you these days. - Jib_This
Jun 8 2004 3:23PM
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flatspinner
Posts: 2701 - Karma: 546
and remember, you're real life girlfriend is going to look like that.


-------------------
I've been here longer than 79% of you.
Jesus Saves Souls
Jun 8 2004 3:23PM
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KillerMonkey
Posts: 6436 - Karma: 109
number 23 is great
. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.




JIBARITO
(its actually a restaurant in Peurto Rico)

Guitaring for life

Jun 8 2004 3:29PM
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HelloThisIsDylan
Posts: 458 - Karma: 10
genioius.





___________________________
kill the hippies
proud member of the kpp
Jun 8 2004 3:31PM
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flippintricker
Posts: 2408 - Karma: 9
i can't tell, is that sarastic?
felt like a big man pushing that kid around!
shes talking to her invisible friend, God
Don't be an asshole JD. If you dont like it you dont have to read it. J.D.May
Jun 8 2004 3:33PM
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bigsky_gurl
Posts: 1455 - Karma: 40
not to sound crude, or like irishdrink.....
but after all of that time watching porn, its amazing how many guys dont know about the clit, learn it, use it, love.





Dont forget your snorkle ~ Bridger Bowl
Jun 8 2004 3:39PM
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KingShit
Posts: 4483 - Karma: 7
^ I'm sorry to hear that bigsky...

Motherfuckers...
Jun 8 2004 3:41PM
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LittleDevil720
Posts: 3719 - Karma: 8
haha, that shit is great...
Jun 8 2004 4:12PM
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Roy
Posts: 1982 - Karma: 1,240
that was soooooo funny

Merse you sexy potatoe you better be doing some thing fucking crazy up there, see yea soon br-ah

Too many Rookies not enough PROS !!!

807 Army 4life
Jun 8 2004 4:25PM
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1080ski
Posts: 4424 - Karma: 191
LOL, the best is definatly 11
Jun 8 2004 4:27PM
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B-Har406
Posts: 2484 - Karma: 6
ha ha



dodey
Jun 8 2004 4:29PM
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GeneralButtNaked
Posts: 7854 - Karma: 89
^your too young to watch porn

anybody ever heard the guitar solo in taboo two?





i was going to go for a quad daffy but i was like, why huck? -mommy
Jun 8 2004 5:54PM
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jumpman
Posts: 1105 - Karma: 10
haha, 70s porn
_________________
-Mike

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the greatest beer ever.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!
Chapelle's Show Cult, Bitches
Jun 8 2004 5:57PM
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Ski-hobo
Posts: 7121 - Karma: 15
best damn list ever
Jun 8 2004 6:31PM
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Bhayter10
Posts: 942 - Karma: 8
Hahaha 28 is great...they're always like all wide eyed



Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte'?- Mr. Mugatu
Jun 8 2004 6:35PM
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ThisAngelicRage
Posts: 8681 - Karma: 54
25 is my favorite. suck it


which reminds me of late nineties wrestling, suck it with the pelvic gesturing





-Lauren


Lauren and Ella: together changing teenaged boys lives since 2001.

THE FIST OF FURY
Fistin' Mad Bitches!

Skiing's not a sport, it's a lifestyle.
Jun 8 2004 7:03PM
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petek
Posts: 8762 - Karma: 12
wait is this list sarcastic? I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE



Buck fush
Jun 8 2004 7:06PM
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weazelzb
Posts: 4454 - Karma: 12
HAHAAHA... one of the funniest thing on this site




Lately it occurs to me... what a long strange trip its been....
Jun 8 2004 7:06PM
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freeze_and_burn
Posts: 462 - Karma: 11
8.Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

To true!:P ;)
»-(¯`v´¯)-»PëT®ø HoTt�ë«-(¯`v´¯)-«
Jun 8 2004 7:19PM
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*rkp*
Posts: 8198 - Karma: 257
best thread EVER!
Jun 8 2004 7:23PM
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Adamskinick
Posts: 3353 - Karma: 126
we should add some more of our own for example:
1. cheezy jazz music+ c-grade porn= an A+ porn movie
2. all women like it wherever u stick it
3. it's possible to have sex with 12 other people at the same time by yourself
_____________
High North Session 2, 2004 message me if u goin also

NS Philosopher
Jun 8 2004 7:23PM
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GrippinGs
Posts: 4960 - Karma: 196
heres some more:

1) Hot girls + middle aged small men w/ small penises = multimillion dollar website
2) fisting + ugly whore = horribly wrong.

most internet porn is terrible. videos are where its at.
Phree Stylez
Jun 8 2004 7:48PM
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J.D.
Posts: 21362 - Karma: 5,142
Baaaahahaahah Asian men don't exist... I remember a segment with George Takei about why he never did porn...fucking hilarious. 'But why haven't we seen you in movies like... Big Booty Whores 4? Do you feel you were discriminated against?'

------------
In a haze
A stormy haze
I’ll be around
I’ll be loving you
Always
Always

Here I am
And I’ll take my time
Here I am
And I’ll wait in line
Always
Always...
Jun 8 2004 7:54PM
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cams
Posts: 3937 - Karma: 27
We also learn that girls begin to orgasm as soon as you touch her genitals, this includes the breasts. Also, barely using your tongue when you eat a girl out works well.

It's sad to think that some kids see this and think it is reality..poor kids.


Smoking pot leads to uhh... I forget.
50 nuts in your mothafuckin' mouth

What's with all the hate?
Jun 8 2004 8:52PM
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bigsky_gurl
Posts: 1455 - Karma: 40
hahaha good thread



Dont forget your snorkle ~ Bridger Bowl
Jun 8 2004 8:53PM
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Snubluck
Posts: 2192 - Karma: 11
haha, wild guitar solo, definitely

-at least you went down naked-

no i figured it out when he over shot the bowl and shit on the back of the toilet. then he signed my beanie.-Hoodratz47 in response to being in the same public bathroom with mike wilson
Jun 8 2004 9:58PM
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sugarrushthrill
Posts: 1167 - Karma: 9
odd, lateralis has not spoken yet...


- LM Productions -

CCRider

I tried sniffing coke once but the ice got stuck in my nose

u kno im ghetto
Jun 8 2004 9:58PM
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h3ofilms
Posts: 4214 - Karma: 12
number 69: the only ATTRACTIVE lesbians are being paid for it...ive never seen a hot lesbian in real life, just butch women in public holding hands

Hibachi King drops 9/9/04...and it shouldnt suck! hah
Jun 8 2004 10:02PM
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PocketRocketRipper
Posts: 3193 - Karma: 9
only in the porn industry could Ron Jeremy have sex with soo many women.... god bless the american adult film industry!

check out Stept...

'I can throw a twister that could make Tanner bust a nut!'
---------The Cult of the Neon One Piece Jumpsuit---------

*NORTHEAST CULT*
Jun 8 2004 10:06PM
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skimack
Posts: 2458 - Karma: 33
I think #9 is true, If I was a cop, it would be true.

----------------------------------------------------
'Don't let academics interfere your education' (My coach)

'I'm in his nigger crew' (my little brother in response to my statement that he was in my 'digger crew')

'My knee hurts' (Jeff Merat after grinding a lunch table for an hour instead of sitting in the ski patrol shack for his torm mcl and acl which he got earlier that day.)

'I'm not asking for any help, just mabe for you to get off your ass.'(my dad)
Jun 8 2004 11:30PM
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cj
Posts: 4032 - Karma: 469
wait, so sex for you people isant like that?


****

//KAW RAW//
//DEFY SKEEZ//

Im a drinker with skiing problems
Jun 8 2004 11:45PM
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inverted
Posts: 668 - Karma: 74
hahaha
Jun 9 2004 2:06AM
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J.D.
Posts: 21362 - Karma: 5,142
h30, I know some really hot Bi girls. So, temp lesbians. Does that count?

------------
In a haze
A stormy haze
I’ll be around
I’ll be loving you
Always
Always

Here I am
And I’ll take my time
Here I am
And I’ll wait in line
Always
Always...
Jun 9 2004 3:04AM
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strode
Posts: 7549 - Karma: 14
yeah, i've never quite understood number 13.



-Strode



Abba Zabba, you my only friend
Jun 9 2004 3:18AM
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Hef
Posts: 852 - Karma: 12
^dont underestimate it.
porn is GREAT

------------------------------------------------------------

Pain heals...Chicks dig scars...Glory lasts forever
Jun 9 2004 5:17AM
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hucker22
Posts: 6176 - Karma: 23
i love porn but ive always wondered about the lesbians, and the wearing high heels to bed thing, my gf takes of her shoes so i guess were doin it wrong
_______________

me gusta cabeza
Jun 9 2004 1:47PM
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hoodratz47
Posts: 12020 - Karma: 9,475
nuber 100032434... poop porn is cool.. like tubgirl


/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/''Ultimately, almost all guys learn this truth for themselves: The best way to never score with a woman is to show too much interest in her.'
Jun 9 2004 2:26PM
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strode
Posts: 7549 - Karma: 14
i've seen a couple flicks where the girl leaves her baseball hat on. what's up with that?



-Strode



Abba Zabba, you my only friend
Jun 9 2004 2:28PM
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rossignol_rider
Posts: 1956 - Karma: 13
#29-midget porn's only purpose is for non-midgets to laugh
*********************************************************
Jules: What does Marcellus Wallace look like? Brett: What? Jules: [pointing his gun] Say 'what' again. SAY 'WHAT' AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker! Say 'what' one more goddamn time! Brett: He's b-b-black... Jules: Go on. Brett: He's bald... Jules: Does he look like a bitch? Brett: What? [Jules shoots Brett in shoulder] Jules: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH? Brett: NO! Jules: Then why you trying to fuck him like a bitch, Brett? Brett: I didn't! Jules: Yes you did. Yes you did, Brett. You tried to fuck him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.
BFSC WE DO IT FROGGY STYLE
Jun 9 2004 3:22PM
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hoodratz47
Posts: 12020 - Karma: 9,475
HAAA HAA sooo ture... why does midget porn cost so much any way


/'/'/'/'/'/'/'/''Ultimately, almost all guys learn this truth for themselves: The best way to never score with a woman is to show too much interest in her.'
Jun 9 2004 3:26PM
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Apple
Posts: 7906 - Karma: 33
migets must be expencive to buy.

-Thom Savery
please pardon the cacography
--->CCR*
theres an ilovemen.com? damn. see you guys later -skierdudeguy
Jun 9 2004 4:15PM
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Lateralis
Posts: 1228 - Karma: 332
midget porn costs more cuz they just measure up to the standards


'Did you know that average penis size is 6.4inches and that the average vaginal canal is 7.9inches? Therefore.... in this country alone, there is over 17,000 miles of unused virgin pussy' - Poolhall Junkies
Jun 9 2004 4:19PM
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rossignol_rider
Posts: 1956 - Karma: 13
i had no clue it cost more....i guess comedies are valued more than a good beat off flick
*********************************************************
Jules: What does Marcellus Wallace look like? Brett: What? Jules: [pointing his gun] Say 'what' again. SAY 'WHAT' AGAIN! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker! Say 'what' one more goddamn time! Brett: He's b-b-black... Jules: Go on. Brett: He's bald... Jules: Does he look like a bitch? Brett: What? [Jules shoots Brett in shoulder] Jules: DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH? Brett: NO! Jules: Then why you trying to fuck him like a bitch, Brett? Brett: I didn't! Jules: Yes you did. Yes you did, Brett. You tried to fuck him. And Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody, except Mrs. Wallace.
BFSC WE DO IT FROGGY STYLE
Jun 10 2004 12:01AM
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