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the absolute dumbest jokes you've ever heard

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petek
Posts: 8762 - Karma: 12
this was said to me by a retard(no seriously)
'where do gay people shop? Fags are us'



Mind can make a heaven from hell, and a hell from heaven
Apr 29 2004 8:29PM
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dilla_says_go
Posts: 5333 - Karma: 168
hahahahahahahahah!
...............................................................................................

-steve

[i treat each day like its game seven in overtime.
born to shine at home and over border lines.]
Apr 29 2004 8:30PM
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dilla_says_go
Posts: 5333 - Karma: 168
this isnt a joke but one time when i was coaching this rec soccer team some little fucker on my team came up to me and said,

'you wanna know a great practical joke? you give somebody a brownie, but instead of a brownie, its really poo.'
...............................................................................................

-steve

[i treat each day like its game seven in overtime.
born to shine at home and over border lines.]
Apr 29 2004 8:32PM
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petek
Posts: 8762 - Karma: 12
another good one is
'There is this guy that whatever he wears, the stains come off. There was this stain on this girls blouse, so when he put it on, the stain went away, but the same women also had a stain on her panties. The stain-cleaner put it on, but the stain didnt go away. Why? because she ragged in it.'
^those are the actual words to it.

on the greek ship
lolypop
its a sweet trip
to the candy shop
where bon-bons play
on the sunny beaches of peppermint bay
Apr 29 2004 8:34PM
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five0
Posts: 11466 - Karma: 36
whats purple and tied to my front porch?






he's my nigger ill paint him any color i want!
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

'You can't argue with idiots, they drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.'

'so basically i lost my penis trying to have sex with my cat' Misty7

I like my eggs like i like my runs,poached

'Who's not 18 yet? What? LA LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear you.'~Jay aka rebel

'five0 is a crazy sexy nutcracker motherfucker'~Everyone
Apr 29 2004 8:40PM
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hoodratz47
Posts: 12020 - Karma: 9,475
A HUGE DILDO


how do you circumsize a whale????
Four skin divers HAaa my freshman sciene teacher told me that


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'my pants be saggin cause im' rappin' my ass off' OH SNAP!
Apr 29 2004 9:10PM
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skiierman
Posts: 28699 - Karma: -5,563
why are cows soo happy all the time?

cause everyday is a field day.


'The only way you can ruin the present is by worrying about the future'
Apr 29 2004 9:17PM
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lineskier10
Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796
what did the chicken say to the egg?



I have no fucking clue
--------------------

HIGH NORTH SESSION 4

The Hot Sauce Champion of the World
Apr 29 2004 9:19PM
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P-JO
Posts: 6853 - Karma: 75
You: How do you do the position to make ugly babies?
Pookid: Dar I don't know?

You again: I don't know, ask your parents!

cha ching!




1080 boots for sale!

-Pat
Apr 29 2004 9:20PM
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ilovehead
Posts: 586 - Karma: 6
What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?




The four year old in my basement
Apr 29 2004 10:02PM
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Jaskittin
Posts: 5606 - Karma: 195
So go with me a minute here:
Mickey and Minnie mouse were getting a divorce. So in Divorce court, the Judge looks down at Mickey and says 'Mickey, it says here that u said that your wife is crazy.' And Mickey replies 'No, I didn't say that at all, I said that she was fucking goofy.'







Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.


-Not enough money for a summer camp this year-session 4
Apr 29 2004 11:23PM
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J.D.
Posts: 21362 - Karma: 5,142
^That one's actually funny.


J.D.'s Hall of Fame for Stupid Posts:

''mad trix is a gay name. go with the k2's.'' -Linepunk

''Dude, Americans or Canadians didn't invent english, the British dudes did.'' -Chauncy

''Gay people are fags'' -Atlantaski

''dude i am literat i just cant spell worth shit u got prob with it bitch'' -Bridgerbowlskier

''Gay marriages are gay.'' -SUpilot

'if it werent for women, i wouldnt have to wear condoms' -Hucksterjibber

''This board seems to have gone downhill since i joined'' -ADjunkie
Apr 29 2004 11:27PM
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jono
Posts: 1744 - Karma: 22
Told by my math teacher today:

What did the constipated mathmetician do?
Worked it out with a pencil.
Apr 29 2004 11:48PM
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sporegasm
Posts: 532 - Karma: 10
Dumbest quote/joke-

'Let's discuss right & left.. You're right, I left!'
Apr 30 2004 12:34AM
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theBOSS.
Posts: 4705 - Karma: 496
I got one on a popsicle stick the other day:

Q what time is it when your out of clothespins...

A time to get more clothespins


________________________
(Ross)
SRMC
cBf
Apr 30 2004 5:53AM
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rasser
Posts: 1703 - Karma: 12
^
...

There are three kind of mathmeticians. The ones that can count and the ones that can't.
____________________________
'i think you put the B in buttfuck and i put it in you'
-lateralis
'Screw porn, get a girlfriend'
-PhattTim

'yea yur fuckin speechless you ass fuck u can go fuck ur god damn uncle and then ill shoot u then u cant ski so go fuck urself u little bitch i dont care how fuckin good u are but i no u can fuck my cat so fuck off and never talk to any uv us again u fagget ur a discrace to skiing u fucking cunt rage dooch back FUCK FACE FUCKER'
-taxiYellowskier
Apr 30 2004 5:59AM
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J.D.
Posts: 21362 - Karma: 5,142
^Reminds me of a geek joke...
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who can count in binary, and those who can't.


J.D.'s Hall of Fame for Stupid Posts:

''mad trix is a gay name. go with the k2's.'' -Linepunk

''Dude, Americans or Canadians didn't invent english, the British dudes did.'' -Chauncy

''Gay people are fags'' -Atlantaski

''dude i am literat i just cant spell worth shit u got prob with it bitch'' -Bridgerbowlskier

''Gay marriages are gay.'' -SUpilot

'if it werent for women, i wouldnt have to wear condoms' -Hucksterjibber

''This board seems to have gone downhill since i joined'' -ADjunkie
Apr 30 2004 11:55AM
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hoodratz47
Posts: 12020 - Karma: 9,475
where do you find a dog with no legsss

where you left it...

whats teh differance between a bathtub and a pile of dead babies... you cant fuck a bathtub


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'my pants be saggin cause im' rappin' my ass off' OH SNAP!
Apr 30 2004 12:35PM
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jumpman
Posts: 1105 - Karma: 10
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?
A: Art



Hippies - they want to save the world, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the greatest beer ever.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!
Chapelle's Show Cult, Bitches
Apr 30 2004 12:40PM
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ESB
Posts: 9274 - Karma: 10,648
WHy don't seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they'd be baygulls (bagels).

Q: How many NS.com members does it take to answer a simple question?
A: 10. One to answer, three to say 'How fucking stupid are you?', three to say 'This has already been asked a thousand times', and three to say 'Who the fuck cares anyway?'
Apr 30 2004 12:47PM
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khem
Posts: 1386 - Karma: 10
Why didnt the skeleton cross the street...
...because he had no guts

Why does the gingerbread man wear shorts?...
...because his legs are crummy


Don't hate the player. Hate the game!
Apr 30 2004 12:49PM
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con_cept
Posts: 1752 - Karma: 10
What's better than licking a dead babies' choda?

... Going to the stanley cup finals.


I kid you not... this is the worst joke I've ever heard!



----------------------------------------
To join 'WE RIDE BIKES' PM bakerlocal
----------------------------------------
To join 'THE HOCKEY CULT' PM con_cept (me)
----------------------------------------
Apr 30 2004 1:25PM
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jumpman
Posts: 1105 - Karma: 10
How much bird seed should you get for a quarter?

None, quarters can't eat bird seed.


Hippies - they want to save the world, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the greatest beer ever.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!
Chapelle's Show Cult, Bitches
Apr 30 2004 1:28PM
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GeneralButtNaked
Posts: 7854 - Karma: 89
Spanish teahcer breaks this one on us the other day...

'so a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, why the long face?'





i was going to go for a quad daffy but i was like, why huck? -mommy
Apr 30 2004 1:29PM
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fulltiltrocker
Posts: 699 - Karma: 167
theres two muffins sitting in the oven. one muffinsays the the other muffin 'man its really hot in here' then the other muffin yells ' OMG ITS A TALING MUFFIN'






_______________________________________

do not speak unless you can improve the silence
Apr 30 2004 1:33PM
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GrippinGs
Posts: 4960 - Karma: 196
Theres 2 gold fish in their tank.

one turns to the other and asks, 'how do u drive this thing?'


Phree Stylez
Apr 30 2004 1:55PM
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manus
Posts: 1427 - Karma: 10
dumbest one I know:
you - what does a 600Lb parakete say?
them - I dunno
you (in the loudest deepest voice you can muster) - CHIRP


life is too short to have any regrets
Apr 30 2004 2:02PM
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weazelzb
Posts: 4454 - Karma: 12
wats yellow and smells like paint?


yellow paint


*OFFICIAL NS SQUID*

BITE IT...you scum bucket fucking whore - GG Allin

I see you standing... you think your soooo cool... why dont u just, FUCK OFF- Guns n Roses

Apr 30 2004 2:13PM
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jumpman
Posts: 1105 - Karma: 10
^that's actually pretty funny


Hippies - they want to save the world, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.

Pabst Blue Ribbon is the greatest beer ever.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!
Chapelle's Show Cult, Bitches
Apr 30 2004 2:17PM
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jksl
Posts: 12727 - Karma: 854
so a rabbi and a priest are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake, the rabbi turns to the priest and says 'worst joke i've ever been in'

Jeff
Poniverus
Apr 30 2004 2:24PM
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estaked
Posts: 7388 - Karma: 79
What did they fish say when it hit the cement wall?


-dam



$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
All NS jibbers have to ask them self's one question: Am I progressive like the auto insurance or am i just Aflac?

HOLLA! ANCIENT REPRESENT!! ANCIENTINC.COM
Apr 30 2004 2:40PM
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stevie.
Posts: 956 - Karma: 10
what do you call cheese thats not yours?




nacho cheese.






what do you call cheese that isn't yours?

life is too short so love the one you got cause you might get run over or you might get shot - sublime

save lives. ride line.
Apr 30 2004 2:41PM
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KingShit
Posts: 4483 - Karma: 7
^ I like that one.

Motherfuckers...
Apr 30 2004 3:04PM
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michelle
Posts: 6290 - Karma: 428
What animal has more lives then a cat?



- A frog, because they croak every night.
Apr 30 2004 4:17PM
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sporegasm
Posts: 532 - Karma: 10
Another lame-assed joke told my Alaskan friend-

'wanna hear the 360 joke?'

'.. uh, yea sure.'

**spins 360 on the ground**

lol
Apr 30 2004 5:32PM
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marlin_102
Posts: 2430 - Karma: 11
this was told by a supply teacher for physics a while ago:

q: what kind of music do mummies listen to?

a: wrap music


'GhostDragon is like milk. sometimes when it sits too long in thr fridge it gets crusty things around the cap that sometimes fall into your glass when your not careful.' - cj

- Michael Jackson loves me.
Apr 30 2004 5:48PM
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hoodratz47
Posts: 12020 - Karma: 9,475
one day.. pony went to cayotes. cayote asked pony why his voice was so quiet. pony said. cause im a little horse


________________

'my pants be saggin cause im' rappin' my ass off' OH SNAP!
Apr 30 2004 6:03PM
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brody
Posts: 1452 - Karma: 12
why did the blind man walk off the cliff



Becasue he was all coverein blood and he didnt want to live anymore

a handicap kid told me this
Apr 30 2004 6:08PM
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hoodratz47
Posts: 12020 - Karma: 9,475
'how many abled bodied people does it take to screw in a lightbulb... One


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'my pants be saggin cause im' rappin' my ass off' OH SNAP!
Apr 30 2004 6:11PM
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3ski6guy0
Posts: 9201 - Karma: 132
'FARP'
-------------------
BUY A SNOW GUN ($40 US)
http://backyardsnowguns.250free.com
Apr 30 2004 6:34PM
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Bundo
Posts: 2197 - Karma: 49
my friends physics teacher loves your momma jokes but you have to listen to the mains voice to get the sheer genius of them. anyway here they are

'your mommas so fat that she has smaller, fatter people orbiting her'



ALASKA PRIDE
Apr 30 2004 6:42PM
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five0
Posts: 11466 - Karma: 36
^not funny

whats brown and sticky?










A STICK!
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

'You can't argue with idiots, they drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.'

'so basically i lost my penis trying to have sex with my cat' Misty7

I like my eggs like i like my runs,poached

'Who's not 18 yet? What? LA LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear you.'~Jay aka rebel

'five0 is a crazy sexy nutcracker motherfucker'~Everyone
Apr 30 2004 6:53PM
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t-roy
Posts: 4041 - Karma: 52
how many football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb-

-the whole team, one to twist the light bulb, the rest to take turns slapping his bum




Apr 30 2004 7:45PM
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iamaskier
Posts: 131 - Karma: 10
why the 1st koala fall out of the tree?
cos he was dead.
why'd the 2nd koala fall out of the tree?
cos he was stapled to the 1st koala.
why'd the 3rd koala fall out of the tree?
cos he thought it was a game.
Apr 30 2004 7:55PM
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asac
Posts: 12485 - Karma: 17
how many dirty stinking apes does it take to screw in a light bulb.
3. 1 dirty stinking ape to screw in the light bulb and 2 dirty stinking apes to throw feices at each other.





------------------

Good Fun With A Hand Gun
Apr 30 2004 8:47PM
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b-ladd
Posts: 2300 - Karma: 48
a guy walked into a bar. HAH!


what do u call a guy who lies on your doorstep and welcomes people?


MATT!!

i liked t-roys
===================

fear makes it fun



member of the association against clubs

newschoolers.com. giving YOU something to do
Apr 30 2004 8:54PM
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R.Fahey
Posts: 8602 - Karma: 539
Man, these ones my friend told me and they are absolutely horrible, as in not right.

Q Whats better than doin a 13 year old girl in the shower?
A Slickin her hair back and acting like its a 10 year old boy.
NASTY!!!! His name is FattyPete$$ if you wanna give him hell.


hmm..... another... but from a popsicle stick
Q What did the beach comber name his daugher?
A Sandy



-------------------
'I wanna monster truck, Fuck the bus' - Matt Sterbenz after checkin out the Freezing Point bus.
Apr 30 2004 8:58PM
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ilovehead
Posts: 586 - Karma: 6
How do you punish Hellen Keller?

Leave the plunger in the toilet...
Apr 30 2004 10:36PM
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Crystal-needs-a-park
Posts: 9939 - Karma: 15
^thats harsh... there was something like that on love line a long time ago... a gay guy called in, said he liked experimenting with sticking the plunger to the bathroom floor and getting a little bum action... then he says one day he slipped.
___________________
Silly Rabbits. Pink is for cheese! –stevexs2
i love watching people get nutted. i hate seeing naked fat people getting the box munched - BallinBU
numbers are for jewish investment bankers - sleezemcfly
im a straight up thugged out ghetto prep - ATLANTASKI
Looting, it's the new way to buy stuff! - Jib_This
Apr 30 2004 10:39PM
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