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So a horse walks into a bar..

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Schlop
Posts: 3640 - Karma: 24
and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" tell some jokes. I'm drunk. this could get good
May 2 2010 4:19AM
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chardi
Posts: 5040 - Karma: 59

i know this isn't really a joke but it is racist and funny so it goes with the thread.

May 2 2010 4:25PM
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lilwhiz165
Posts: 502 - Karma: 47
what do u tell a woman with two black eyes?
nothin, u already told her twice.

a man hits a woman with his car, whose fault is it?
the mans, he shouldn't have been driving in the kitchen.
May 2 2010 4:26PM
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.Max.
Posts: 2930 - Karma: 701
A guy goes home to his wife after seeing the doctor and says; I have a fucking kidney stone, his wife says; oh be nice, it's just passing through.

came up with that all by my self
May 2 2010 4:38PM
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TheStudioCC
Posts: 2092 - Karma: 366
How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

27

One to do it.
Two to say they can do it better.
And the rest to sit in the landing.
May 2 2010 4:55PM
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CJHski
Posts: 2384 - Karma: 126

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Because he was a Fun-Guy

May 2 2010 5:16PM
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nickyp
Posts: 5673 - Karma: 215
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
They're alcoholics, and their addiction has cost them their job and family.



A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.
The Rabbi says, "I was driving past the vicarage last night, and I saw several men entering. Are you doing late-night masses?"
The Priest replies, "No, my wife has become a prostitute to fund her drug habit."
May 2 2010 6:51PM
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TheHuggyBear
Posts: 1762 - Karma: 313
you sir have given me my first actually literal laugh out loud on newschoolers bravo
May 2 2010 7:11PM
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Get.Kronk
Posts: 2543 - Karma: 226
a man walks into a bar.

hes an alchoholic and its destroying his family.
May 2 2010 7:25PM
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Get.Kronk
Posts: 2543 - Karma: 226
a black man, a jewish man, a women and a gay man walk into a bar, what a fine example of an open and accepting community.
May 2 2010 7:40PM
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lilwhiz165
Posts: 502 - Karma: 47
lawlz
May 2 2010 7:46PM
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.AR6rider.
Posts: 15976 - Karma: 8,799

How many NSers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Searchbar, NOOB!  Someone already asked that question two years ago.

May 2 2010 7:50PM
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*Dos*Planker*
Posts: 2983 - Karma: 168
why does it matter people are clearly enjoying this thread
May 2 2010 8:57PM
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pianoman
Posts: 2503 - Karma: 779
anyone hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?
May 2 2010 9:11PM
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C.Wood
Posts: 2524 - Karma: 180
so a termite walks in to a bar, and asks where is the bartender?
May 2 2010 9:15PM
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gigi.d
Posts: 1588 - Karma: 302
Thanks bro. I was sitting next to my grandma and i just started laughing like crazy and i couldn't stop. Now she thinks i am the weirdest grandson she has. That was so funny though haha.

+K for you sir.
May 2 2010 9:19PM
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gigi.d
Posts: 1588 - Karma: 302
You just made it funny.... idk why everything on this thread is so funny, i guess i am just in a laughing mood.
May 2 2010 9:22PM
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nstubler
Posts: 840 - Karma: 1,170
hahah

threads
May 2 2010 9:29PM
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HIT
Posts: 3524 - Karma: 4,996

threadszzz

How do you know jews are living nextdoor?

There's wet toilet paper on the clothesline

What's faster than a speeding bullet?
A jew with a coupon.

May 2 2010 9:32PM
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YoungQuinton
Posts: 613 - Karma: 98
Threads for me to laugh when i dont have homework
May 2 2010 9:35PM
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Beepboop123
Posts: 691 - Karma: 90
hahaha this thread is great
May 2 2010 10:28PM
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expertsonly101
Posts: 17 - Karma: 10
Why did the woman cross the road? It doesn't matter she shouldn't have been out of the kitchen
May 2 2010 10:37PM
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uosdwiSrjewoH
Posts: 4220 - Karma: 122
what's better than winning the paralympics?
walking


what does a baby in a microwave smell like?
i don't know either, i was too busy furiously masturbating


and since those are both pretty awful, some quick ones


what do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
eileen


what do you call a chinese woman with one leg shorter than the other?
irene


what do you call a man with no arms or legs, lying in a pile of leaves on a windy day?
russell
May 2 2010 10:53PM
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FBGM
Posts: 8184 - Karma: 2,677
hahahahahaha
May 2 2010 10:57PM
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Steeze_Cake
Posts: 613 - Karma: 16
An Irishman walks out of a bar.....


A blonde walks into a bar and sits at the counter. She looks up at the T.V. and notices breaking news about a guy trying to jump off a building The guy sitting next to her says, "I bet you 20 bucks he will jump". The blonde agrees. The man jumps off the building and the blonde sighs and gives him $20. The guy gives it back and says "I can't take your money, i saw this on the 6 o'clock news". The blonde says "I watched it too, but i didn't think he would do it again".


3 blondes walk into a bar, you think the third would have ducked.


A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender serves him a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "No charge".


An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking." - ahajokes.com


May 2 2010 11:11PM
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Charles.
Posts: 936 - Karma: 1,185
a guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender:
"if i show you the most amazing thing youve ever seen can i have free drinks?"
the bartender says sure but it better be amazing, the guy pulls out a mini person and a mini piano and it starts playing the piano. the bartender says that is the most amazing thing ive ever seen! the guys says yeah i got it from this lamp, just rub it and the genie will grant you anything you want. the bartender rubs it and an old genie comes out and says what is your wish. the bartender says i want a million bucks! all of a sudden a million ducks appear and fill up the whole bar. The bartender says i wanted a milion bucks not ducks! the guy says oh yeah i forgot to tell you  hes a little hard on hearing, do you really think i wanted a 11 in pianist?
May 2 2010 11:14PM
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JakeAssBeatClap
Posts: 6673 - Karma: 2,537
im gunna be wild and tell a non racist joke.
a man goes ice fishing gets to the ice and starts chipping away to make a hole a booming voice says there are no fish there. he moves 20 feet back starts chipping the voice speaks again saying there are no fish there either! he looks up back at the ice and moves further still. before he chips this time the voice says there are no fish there. the man looks up and asks "are you god?" the deep boming voice sys NOOOO i am the arena manager!
May 2 2010 11:17PM
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84891jnf92048
Posts: 11552 - Karma: 2,550
two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. boodoom psshh!
May 2 2010 11:41PM
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c4t_l0ver
Posts: 5485 - Karma: 810

why cant black kids play in the sandbox?

cause the cats keep covering them up.

how long does it take a black woman to take a shit?

9 months.

May 2 2010 11:43PM
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soulskier
Posts: 17806 - Karma: 3,841
i'm not racist, but i hate black people?
what the fuck is this?
May 2 2010 11:45PM
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skiminnesota
Posts: 9093 - Karma: 429
what did the coat hanger say to the hat??????


























you go on ahead and ill hang around!
May 2 2010 11:46PM
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Scott0_robot0
Posts: 3291 - Karma: 212
the last one was the best i laughed for a little bit after that one.
May 2 2010 11:59PM
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feihlination
Posts: 8356 - Karma: 1,084
so there is this kid, lets call him joey, and he was born without hands. his mother baked some cookies the other day and he was looking at them.

joey: hey mom, can i have a cookie?

mom: of course, just take one.

joey: but mom, you know, ive got no hands.

mom: sorry joey. no hands, no cookies.







and there is this other kid, lets call him max, and he is basically just a head, no body, arms and legs and all that stuff, only a head. christmas rolls around and he rolls under the christmas tree, bites his present open and says: "ooh, another hat".
May 3 2010 8:20AM
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mark.p
Posts: 1422 - Karma: 10
Hey did you guys hear about the new corduroy pillows?



They're making head - lines...
May 3 2010 8:24AM
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lizzatronn
Posts: 192 - Karma: 25
a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel as his belt buckle. the bartender asks "doesnt that hurt?" the pirate replies "arrrg, its drivin me nuts"

gay...but still funny
May 3 2010 9:30AM
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.AR6rider.
Posts: 15976 - Karma: 8,799

What do you call a man with no arms or legs laying at your front door?

Mat

What do you call a man with no arms or legs on a wall?

Art

A man is out for a walk on the beach one day and comes across a woman with no arms or legs sobbing.  "What's wrong?" he asks.  The woman replies, "I've never been hugged." so the man looks around, reaches down and gives her a hug.  The woman smiles, and then continues sobbing.  "Now what's wrong?" he asks.  The woman replies, "I've never been kissed." so the man looks around, bends down and gives the woman a kiss.  Once again, she smiles, and starts sobbing again.  "NOW what's wrong?" the man asks.  "I've never been fucked." replies the woman, so the man looks around, picks up the woman, throws her in the ocean and yells,  "There, now you're fucked!"

May 3 2010 11:23AM
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Dex
Posts: 468 - Karma: 100
haaha i laughed..
May 3 2010 11:34AM
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Schlop
Posts: 3640 - Karma: 24
why couldn't the blonde make a tray of ice? she forgot the recipe.
May 3 2010 3:37PM
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repthe301
Posts: 47 - Karma: 11
threads
May 3 2010 4:55PM
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bibs_skibum
Posts: 4462 - Karma: 449
want to hear a joke?

women's rights
May 3 2010 4:55PM
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Get.Kronk
Posts: 2543 - Karma: 226
woman drivers
May 3 2010 5:03PM
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