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So a horse walks into a bar..

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Schlop
Posts: 3640 - Karma: 24
and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" tell some jokes. I'm drunk. this could get good
May 2 2010 4:19AM
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Skiingslikewhoa
Posts: 426 - Karma: 12
A horse walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Ill have a 15 year old scotch" The bartender, realizing he is having a nervous break down with visionary and audible hallucinations, promptly consults a psychiatrist who writes him a prescription for lithium. Three weeks later, after loosing his bar, home, and wife, the bartender steals a gun and shoots himself in the face.
May 2 2010 4:32AM
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Benedetto.
Posts: 2526 - Karma: 64
Stupid as fuck.


/thread
May 2 2010 4:47AM
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nickyp
Posts: 5673 - Karma: 215
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
The Police
The Police who?
Sir, Please open the door, your wife's been killed in a car crash
May 2 2010 4:50AM
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CarRamRod
Posts: 533 - Karma: 28
so theres an american an irish man and a mexican on a boat.  The three of them are standing around when the the irishman takes one sip of his beer and throws it overboard.  the american asks "why did you do that?" the irish man replies "there is too much of that in my country" next the mexican takes one puff of his cigarette and throws it over board the american asks again, "why did you do that?" the mexican says we have too much of that in my country. The american then goes, picks up the mexican and throws him overboard.
May 2 2010 4:52AM
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lilwhiz165
Posts: 502 - Karma: 47
haha this thread could go places.


May 2 2010 8:17AM
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Concept_101
Posts: 114 - Karma: 10
There were three midgets in a bar having a few beers. So the first midget goes "you know what guys? I bet you I have the smallest hands in the world" . The other guys call him out and say he is bullshit. So after a couple more beers, the second midget says "I bet you guys anything I have the smallest feet in the world". Again, the other two midgets claim him to be bullshit. Finally, after another beer or two the third midget says "Guys I bet you I have the smallest dick in the world!!". At this point the bartender happens to have a copy of Guiness there at the bar and he gives it to them to check. So the first guy takes it, goes to the hands section, and sure enough, his hands are smaller than the current record. The second guy checks it, and like the first, his feet are smaller than the current records. So the last guy takes the book, looks up the dick section, and then suddenly slams the book in frustration and says "Who in the fuck is Schlop anyways...."
May 2 2010 10:13AM
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twin-tip-hero
Posts: 2896 - Karma: 277
Click for larger image
May 2 2010 10:47AM
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*Dos*Planker*
Posts: 2983 - Karma: 168
what do you get when you cross an elephant and fish





swimming trunks
May 2 2010 10:53AM
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rexalicious.
Posts: 551 - Karma: 57
a polar bear walks into a bar and tells the bartender "id like a gin...and tonic."
and the bartender asks, "why the pause?"
and the polar bear says "cause im a polar bear!"




(pause=paws)
May 2 2010 10:53AM
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FBGM
Posts: 8184 - Karma: 2,677
a piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender says "you can't be here we don't serve pieces of string." so he leaves, puts on a disguise, and goes back to the bar. the bartender asks him "are you a piece of string?" and the piece of string responds, "i'm afraid not!"

(afraid not = a frayed knot)

HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN
May 2 2010 11:03AM
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FreeskierRocco.
Posts: 3740 - Karma: 91
This thread is really stupid, but I think it could go places, so my threads.
May 2 2010 11:10AM
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cultrara
Posts: 5147 - Karma: 46,850

So an Irish man runs into a bar.  Then he is driven to the hospital and gets stitches

May 2 2010 11:28AM
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BEARS.
Posts: 5380 - Karma: 696
the horse has cancer. that shits not funny.
May 2 2010 11:37AM
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.Natty.
Posts: 1030 - Karma: 84
lets make of helen keller..

Why can't helen keller drive?
because shes a woman
No really, why cant she drive..?
because shes dead

Why did helen kellers dog kill himself?
you would to if your name was URGAHALKGOIELASF

What do helen kellers parents do to punish her?
 1. rearrange the furniture
 2. leave the plunger in the toilet
 3. put doorknobs on the walls

Why did helen keller cross the road?
what, like she knows where shes going

and from my sig

Why didnt helen keller scream when she fell off the cliff?
she was wearing mittens
May 2 2010 12:02PM
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Milksteak
Posts: 9948 - Karma: 833
hahahahahahahahaha
May 2 2010 12:04PM
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jeremy.g
Posts: 4931 - Karma: 459
i lol'd
May 2 2010 12:07PM
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Jwalk
Posts: 4647 - Karma: 134
hahaha its somewhat subtle

so theres a french guy, a mexican guy, an american guy, and a japanese guy standing on the roof of the empire state building. They all throw something that they have a lot of in their country off the roof. The japanese guy throws sushi off the roof. The french guy throws a croissant off the roof. The mexican guy throws a burrito off the roof. The american picks up the mexican and throws him off the roof.
May 2 2010 12:29PM
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yuck
Posts: 8384 - Karma: 2,090
whats 3 things a black person can never get?

a black eye, a fat lip and a job
May 2 2010 12:32PM
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cultrara
Posts: 5147 - Karma: 46,850

whats the difference between a mexican and an elevator?

an elevator can raise a child

May 2 2010 12:36PM
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hellomynameisjef
Posts: 5794 - Karma: 167
hey did you guys hear about the amusement park in hellen kellers backyard?











yeah she didnt either.
May 2 2010 12:36PM
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CarRamRod
Posts: 533 - Karma: 28
why do women get married in white?

so they can match the kitchen appliances


Why did the woman cross the road?

wait better question why is she out of the kitchen?
May 2 2010 12:40PM
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bryanw
Posts: 533 - Karma: 284
Why do you never see black people on cruise ships?


Cuz they fell for that one 300 years ago.


Why do black guys cry when they have sex?


Mace
May 2 2010 12:52PM
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andersteeze
Posts: 1047 - Karma: 30

Why dont women need drivers licences?

Because there is no road betweeen the kitchen and the bedroom.

How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Doesent matter the bitches can cook in the dark.

Why cant Helen Keller drive?

She is a woman.

May 2 2010 1:05PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51672 - Karma: 162,626
How do you make a 12 year old girl cry twice?
May 2 2010 1:08PM
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chardi
Posts: 5040 - Karma: 59

Go to 1:04 if you want to hear jokes that are too smart for you

May 2 2010 1:08PM
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duckets.
Posts: 1168 - Karma: 41
this guy's the fuckin man
May 2 2010 1:38PM
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zerospinskier
Posts: 4867 - Karma: 350

There already is a thread with all kinds of jokes that was pretty funny/ Just add the that one.

 https://www.newschoolers.com/web/forums/readthread/thread_id/202555/
May 2 2010 1:56PM
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Half-Blood
Posts: 1770 - Karma: 385
put it in her ass the second time.
May 2 2010 2:10PM
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soulskier
Posts: 17806 - Karma: 3,841
i've got two horrible ones

why did princess diana cross the road?
she forgot to buckle her seat belt



what the worst part about fucking a vegetable?












putting it back in the wheelchair when your done
May 2 2010 2:18PM
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ECfreeski3
Posts: 12019 - Karma: 126
no exaggeration, i have never seen a group of worse jokes than this thread
May 2 2010 2:43PM
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Willard
Posts: 5117 - Karma: 429
i know there so horrible but i cant help at laugh at some of them
May 2 2010 2:55PM
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BEARS.
Posts: 5380 - Karma: 696
why is the hungry clock always late?
































because its always going back for/four seconds.
May 2 2010 2:59PM
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Hoppy
Posts: 685 - Karma: 95
Englishman Irishman Scotsman walk into a bar. Bar tender says 'what is this, some kind of joke'.



May 2 2010 3:07PM
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john-farris
Posts: 92 - Karma: 10
ILOL'd
May 2 2010 3:15PM
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Dainsey
Posts: 2263 - Karma: 378
a woman walks into a bar and the bartender says "GET THE FUCK OUT YOUR A WOMAN"
May 2 2010 3:17PM
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pianoman
Posts: 2503 - Karma: 779
bad as in not funny
May 2 2010 3:18PM
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elemeno89
Posts: 1582 - Karma: 79
a guy walks into a bar with an alligator.  he walks in and throws his alligator on the counter, stands up on a stool and yells out " I BET MY ALLIGATOR WOULD DO ANYTHING THAT I SAY, IN FACT I BET ALL OF YOU FIFTY BUCKS THAT I CAN LAY MY DICK IN ITS MOUTH FOR A MINUTE AND IT WON'T BITE DOWN UNTIL I SAY SO!"

Everyone takes him up on the bet, and when he performs the deed, flawlessly i might add, begins to collect his payments.  After collecting the money, he stands back up on the stool and says "NOW IS ANYONE ELSE IN THIS BAR BRAVE ENOUGH TO TRY THIS?"

And a man in the back raises his hand, stand up, and says "I am but i can't promise on keeping my mouth open that long..."
May 2 2010 3:22PM
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purps
Posts: 468 - Karma: 30

yes.

two muffins in an oven, one says boy, its getting hot in here. the other one screams HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN

May 2 2010 3:31PM
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jeaaaa
Posts: 184 - Karma: 11
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8dvpsVEJEQ&playnext_from=TL&videos=ALyZwofFGTE
May 2 2010 3:35PM
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grilledsteezeyo
Posts: 1419 - Karma: 72
what do you call 5 white guys on a bench?

the NBA
May 2 2010 3:40PM
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snowking249
Posts: 1452 - Karma: 34
threads
May 2 2010 3:41PM
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geteducated
Posts: 6410 - Karma: 86
whats the most popular jewish wine?


"i WANT to go to south beach"
May 2 2010 3:45PM
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stokedelic
Posts: 1526 - Karma: 4,010
are you in third grade? those were all 6th grade science topics.
May 2 2010 3:49PM
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MANDER
Posts: 4017 - Karma: 2,038
Did you know I have a black person in my family tree?

















Hes still hanging there.

P.S. I have nothing against black people.
May 2 2010 3:56PM
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Buzzell
Posts: 656 - Karma: 19
Why are black people so tall?



Because their knee grows. (say it aloud)
May 2 2010 3:59PM
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304NordMan
Posts: 2983 - Karma: 525

bahahahahha! what a great thread

how many skiers does it take to turn a lightbulb.

5. one to turn the lightbulb, and the rest to say how nice the turns are

May 2 2010 4:04PM
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Hovan
Posts: 664 - Karma: 30
wow ns has a poor sense of humor
whats with all the bigotted jokes?
May 2 2010 4:05PM
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OnePlank
Posts: 1212 - Karma: 60
threads.

What's worse then 10 dead babies nailed to one tree?


1 dead baby nailed to 10 trees
May 2 2010 4:11PM
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FreeskierRocco.
Posts: 3740 - Karma: 91

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a blue corvette?

I don't have a blue corvette in my garage.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?

I take my spiked shoes off to jump on my trampoline.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and my girlfriend?

I use a condom with my girlfriend.

May 2 2010 4:14PM
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lilwhiz165
Posts: 502 - Karma: 47
someone used this already bro
May 2 2010 4:19PM
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