So last night I was at a party with a bunch of my boys and the girl posse that hangs out with us. I'm getting fucked up having a great time dancing with my girlfriend and having a good time with my friends. At some point in the night I acquire a flashlight. I don't know where I got it either I found it on the floor or one of my friends gave it to me. I was just flashing it around the party, no big deal. The flashlight ends up in my pocket because I was dancing or something.
Eventually my guy friends leave and I stay because my girl doesn't want to leave yet. When just the two of us are walking back towards campus from this house I find the flashlight in my pocket and shine it on the ground. Immediately two kids walking near us run up and are like "WTF that's my flashlight you asshole" and I just say "My bad dude here you go take it I just found it."
At this point the kid has the flashlight and I just keep walking. His friend just keeps fucking talking though saying that I stole it out of his friend's backpack and I am a scumbag and I just calmly explain to the kid that I don't know where I found it but I most definitely did not take it out of his friend's backpack. We part ways as I ignore the kid, but he ends up walking behind me no less than 5 minutes later on a paved lit trail that leads to the dorms.
So he is yelling shit at me and what not and I'm just ignoring him because I don't want anything to do with the whole situation. Then he starts yelling shit about my girlfriend calling her a bitch and a slut and what not and immediately she turns around and tells the kid to shut the fuck up and leave us alone, giving him an opportunity to catch up. He gets in our face while his friend whose flashlight it is doesn't say a word. I'm just like man chill out I didn't steal it leave us alone you have the flashlight let's just let it be. So he wants to fight now and I say fuck that it's 2 vs 1 and I'm not trying to get down like that. So the motherfucker pushes my fucking girlfriend. Not cool. He pushes her again in the next second calling her a bitch and I immediately get in between them and ask him why he thinks it's alright to push girls and that it's really fucked up. At this point I have a key between my knuckles in my pocket.
I tell the kid he is obviously intoxicated and again I just found the flashlight and his friend has it and to calm the fuck down and stop pushing my girlfriend in an extremely calm voice. I look away at my girlfriend and the fucker pops me in the mouth. I stumble backwards disoriented from the punch and the booze and can't really see straight so I say OK motherfucker let's do it. I walk up to him with the key in my knuckles and swing blindly and he connects on my cheek, which fails to stun me like the first. Then the kid just fucking bolts and his friend is right behind. Immediately my girlfriend is calling the cops and I'm screaming at her to hang up the fucking phone, it's over and I fucking hate the police.
So the police are there in about 60 seconds and my face is nice and fucking swollen now. They make us get in the back of a cruiser while a K9 looks for the kid, which I tell them is no use there are about 300 kids walking around and he's long gone. I had to fucking argue with the EMTs that my face was fine and that I wanted to go to fucking bed and to leave me alone. I then had to argue with the police that I had to wake up in 5 hours and I didn't want to make a fucking statement at the police station so they give us a ride back to the dorm, getting in a minor pursuit on the way.
So I get back to the dorm and the cop goes, "You know that beer in your side backpack pocket? I need you to dump that out, I'm overlooking it and not giving you a ticket." Fucking pigs my face is fucked up my girlfriend is freaking out and he wanted to give me a ticket for a beer. My friends are inside and immediately want to go find the kid and kill him, literally kill him. I told them there was no way of finding the kid and I don't even remember what he looks like.
Today my lip is so fucking swollen I look mad goofy and I already have mono. If I see the kid around campus though or anywhere for that matter, which will be hard because I was drunk and don't remember what he looks like, I am following him around, texting all my boys and teaching him a lesson.
The End.
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