So you live in the world right? and you need to get laid and get paid. Right? well lucky for you I have made so many god damn mistakes before I have reached a level some might call wise. So lets begin. how to get laid and how to get paid.
1. first off girls love to have people listen to them. If you can listen you can get laid. seriously interviewing skills are the keys to sexual liberation for anyone struggling with the intense demands of social interaction.... or in other words shy people can get laid because they can appreciate the human struggle more than the loud mouth, and usually can hit buttons the extroverts can't. But then again i didn't even graduate college, so I dont think you should listen to me.
2. Looks matter. I would highly recommend being attractive. People are judge mental little beasts and will have you sized up in with in the first thirty seconds of conversation. Some old guy told me this so you know it has to be true. Case in point if you are good looking people will associate you with positive things. It might not be true. You might be a wicked pervert who watches whale porn while eating dog shit but if you are good looking people will never suspect a thing. In fact they will treat you a little better than someone with a huge nose and big zits on their face regard less of your midnight moments alone. Im sorry to give the bad news. We live in a plastic world where individuality is stabbed in the face by the knives of conformity. To really make it, or at least get people going it helps to have a pretty mug. If you happen to be ugly don't feel to bad, your lack of superficial appeal will drive you to pursue more lucrative quests like curing cancer, building robots and building bombs to burn people alive. Ugly people made the atom bomb and attractive people dropped it.
So seeing as people are quick to judge and getting a job is more or less decided in the first thirty seconds get sexy or get smart, cause if not your are not going to get anywhere fast. you might just want to find a big bridge, jump off it and call the last 20 a failed attempt to impress your parents. or something like that. you could also use razor blades or grab a gun and make some brain confetti, but im not promoting suicide here because i think that shit is kind of weak. so keep trying cause eventually you will get laid. if i can. anyone can.
disclaimer
( I do not look at whale porn or eat dog feces. My big secret? I love star wars stuff)
3. Read and Stay Smart.
dumb asses don't get any where. they just get fucked in the ass by the big dick of exploitation. bad jobs, low wages, shitty lives. if you stay smart you can pave a better way. This might sound kind of lame coming from some one who lives off of peanut butter and jelly and lives in an apartment filled with dead roaches but im getting laid so my opinion matters a little bit.
well that is all i have to say. my eyes are feeling heavy and the heat from my computer is burning my legs.
good luck out there kids.
remember stay smart and stay sexy and your chances of getting paid and getting laid will sky rocket.
the wise old man
TO
