Replying to Big mess

so i was on newschoolers drinking my milkshake that i mad as usuel when i tried to take a sip and it was to thick.So i started hitting the bottem of the cup and the whole milk shake came flying out all over my face and body,all over the keyboard and computer screen and splaterd all over the floor.I was looking at the mess for about 2 minutes thinking about what the hell i was goin to do before my parents got home.In my panic i grabed the vacuum(I know im a retard)so i started sucking up the splotches of milkshake and it was working,i was stocked,but then it started melting and dripping out the nossel and it made even a bigger mess.and i am out of paper towels.so right now im typeing on a keyboard and cumputer covered in milkshake and i need ideas on how to clean this up,eny ideas?ill try enything.