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wiping your ass.

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ductapeboy
Posts: 3328 - Karma: 11
k so.... I was taking a shit the other day - and I have gotten too lazy to close the door lately... so my gf is standing there... and she looks in the door and I'm wiping my ass... and she is like - what the hell are you doing? and I'm like - I'm wiping my ass.... and she is like - why are you still sitting down. and I was like - cuz thats how you wipe your ass. and so she was like - I wipe my ass standing up. and I was like - you what? so yea I was wondering who the freak was. me - the sitter, or my girlfriend - the stander?


Dave Pauls
www.corbettsskishop.com

I like dead kittens.
May 25 2003 12:07AM
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Parkboy
Posts: 2303 - Karma: 32
I agree with snonasty, how are you suppost to check how much poop is on your toilet paper when your sitting down?
May 25 2003 9:10PM
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SaraJ
Posts: 366 - Karma: 52
you pull it from out of ur bum and look...

-Sara

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Member of the OTC!

Skiing is not for the simple minded, that's why they invented the snowboard.

skihood.com
May 25 2003 9:38PM
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Andy_De_Kam
Posts: 293 - Karma: 10
well, i agree with the Girlfriend on this one - i always wipe standing - but the bigger question is front to back or back to front..........
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j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j JEW UNIT
May 25 2003 9:39PM
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SaraJ
Posts: 366 - Karma: 52
most girls whipe front to back if they dont want to get an infection.

-Sara

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Member of the OTC!

Skiing is not for the simple minded, that's why they invented the snowboard.

skihood.com
May 25 2003 9:41PM
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BrodyLeven
Posts: 7016 - Karma: 187
i never, EVER laugh at something online.

but this DEFINITLY just changed that. i laughed at this, HARD.


Brody
i wont drop out of high school for skiing, mom
May 25 2003 10:23PM
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mikee
Posts: 7813 - Karma: 5
haha, I have to try this sitting down thing. I never even thought about it. How about this one... who sits on Public toilets?

-MiKeE LiFsHiTz-

***NEWSCHOOL UNDERGROUND***
May 25 2003 10:37PM
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Shane_McWannabe
Posts: 1694 - Karma: 73
Dont ya hate it when it spatters.
May 25 2003 10:54PM
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Big-L
Posts: 499 - Karma: 10
hahahaha, i laughed my ass off at this shit. an its fuckin all about the lean, standing is frigin crazy man

® cru represent
May 25 2003 11:07PM
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Andy_De_Kam
Posts: 293 - Karma: 10
haha, i tried wiping while sitting, it just didnt work as well as the standing - standing you can get a better reach on it and wipe properly while as sitting your cheeks are squished and you miss a lot
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j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j JEW UNIT
May 25 2003 11:18PM
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Ski_Instructor_Mike
Posts: 6146 - Karma: 73
see if you stay sitting then your hand could touch the inside of the tiolet or the back, the lean definitly works, especially if you've just had an anal explosion, and the standup just works best if you don't have any hangers on.
-Mike

Dude I was fine before you tried to turn me into a cake - me after ralphing after being antiqued
May 26 2003 12:28AM
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bitchassphatz
Posts: 6171 - Karma: 107
dude.....alright for all you standers, you're crazy.....try our lean method out. i tried yours today, and good god, you're crazy. fuck that standing shit, it makes your cheeks go together and then you gotta actually clean the place. if you use the lean your cheeks never touch, therefor you clean the naughty spot and that's it. therefor when you have to wipe, it only take a couple sweeps and wahla.....clean.....also for looking: there are people who look after every wipe, even the first one....uh that's nasty.

this reminds me of a story....so this kid tells me about a video he watched. it was his older bro taking a shit. lets just say the camera could've very easily been in the tiolet, it was disgusting. not that i watched it or anything, but the kid went into detail.....uh......and he liked it.......uh
----------------------------------------

I ride for that moment when I am hauling through trees, weaving in and out, in chest deep powder, and I can't even open my mouth, or the snow will shoot in the back of my throut, either choking me or quenching my thirst. That's why I ski.
May 26 2003 12:29AM
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lineskier10
Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796
how the fuck do you stand????
--------------------
Creator of the NS Cousin Exchange Program

me think u need realize that we dun give a fuck..' cams

Stealth Ninja of the Silent Army

HIGH NORTH SESSION 4
May 26 2003 12:36AM
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Ds91260
Posts: 9984 - Karma: 19
^thats fucked up mercer, yea this threads funny, who remembers the 'its poo again...' thread by alpentalik or lord_piot or someone, poopoo stories from everyone, im gonna go look for it
----------------------------------

'i was grinding with this one guy at a gay bar called 'From Behind' and he had a huge boner' - Lateralis the great

'i knew a kid at 12 who didnt know how to masturbate, until i showed him el porno' - petek

Newschool Underground, cleanin up NS, one bitch at a time

**NEWSCHOOL UNDERGROUND**
May 26 2003 12:36AM
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Ski_Instructor_Mike
Posts: 6146 - Karma: 73
you don't stand like you're in the army with your ass cheeks together.
-Mike

Dude I was fine before you tried to turn me into a cake - me after ralphing after being antiqued
May 26 2003 12:40AM
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BrodyLeven
Posts: 7016 - Karma: 187
i can not believe people stand.

they can not believe people sit.

but standing? ha.


Brody
i wont drop out of high school for skiing, mom
May 26 2003 12:51AM
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Ds91260
Posts: 9984 - Karma: 19
WHO CAN FIND THE 'its poo again....' thread
----------------------------------

'i was grinding with this one guy at a gay bar called 'From Behind' and he had a huge boner' - Lateralis the great

'i knew a kid at 12 who didnt know how to masturbate, until i showed him el porno' - petek

Newschool Underground, cleanin up NS, one bitch at a time

**NEWSCHOOL UNDERGROUND**
May 26 2003 1:13AM
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SaraJ
Posts: 366 - Karma: 52
as for sitting on public toilets, I sure as hell don't unless I have to take a massive shit. I'll usually squat, especially if there's somebody else's shit on the seat...

-Sara

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Member of the OTC!

Skiing is not for the simple minded, that's why they invented the snowboard.

skihood.com
May 26 2003 2:16AM
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Andy_De_Kam
Posts: 293 - Karma: 10
im gonna try the lean method today

new question tho: do girls poop or not?
my answer is no, they dont, its common knowledge
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j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j JEW UNIT
May 26 2003 12:17PM
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SHARPIE69
Posts: 136 - Karma: 13
alright the sharpster is clearing it up right now, i think that by STANDING UP she actually meant the mercer squat/lean... which i am in favor of, because the reason you actually lift your cheeks off the seat is to skip the chance of getting poop on your whipping hand..... i mean if your to lazy to lean forward and whipe your ass then you deserve poop on your hand, i dont think anyone stands stiff need straight up and whipes a closed ass, its just not possible....

SQUATTERS 4 LIFE

Jay dont wanna, ladies are fond of, this cat and the aura he puts forth.
May 26 2003 5:21PM
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Bob_Loblaw
Posts: 8384 - Karma: 38
on public toilets i put tp on the seat so my ass never comes into caontact with it.
----------------
God is a concept by which we measure our pain - John Lennon

Listen to Bob Marley

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life. So get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
May 26 2003 5:33PM
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skodeo7
Posts: 14949 - Karma: 9,234
Too lazy to get up to whipe your ass? What are you talking about, how the hell are you supposed to get off the shitter without getting up? Fall off?
|D|U|N|C|A|N|
Junction 133 Productions
May 26 2003 5:43PM
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lanks
Posts: 12544 - Karma: 73
it all depends on how much energy the crap took out of me, it it was little, i stand, if it was big, i sit, and if it was small enough, why wipe?

proud owner of 'team ramrod', the best NS hockey pool team ever.
May 26 2003 5:56PM
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NomenClature
Posts: 4348 - Karma: 83
you can only not wipe, if the log was 'perfectly tapered' even then you have to check, but a second pass is not needed.
________________________

my teacher : don't smoke pot it makes you stupid
ME : shut up bitch
My teach : go to the office and don't talk to me that way
ME : fuck you im leaving
Teach : go to the office
ME : no, but im leaving
Teach : where do you think your going
ME : to smoke a blunt you flaming hippie fag.

that would be funny, the real exchange was not nearly as graphic. but the same ending.
May 26 2003 6:53PM
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NomenClature
Posts: 4348 - Karma: 83
you can only not wipe, if the log was 'perfectly tapered' even then you have to check, but a second pass is not needed.
________________________

my teacher : don't smoke pot it makes you stupid
ME : shut up bitch
My teach : go to the office and don't talk to me that way
ME : fuck you im leaving
Teach : go to the office
ME : no, but im leaving
Teach : where do you think your going
ME : to smoke a blunt you flaming hippie fag.

that would be funny, the real exchange was not nearly as graphic. but the same ending.
May 26 2003 6:53PM
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NomenClature
Posts: 4348 - Karma: 83
you can only not wipe, if the log was 'perfectly tapered' even then you have to check, but a second pass is not needed.
________________________

my teacher : don't smoke pot it makes you stupid
ME : shut up bitch
My teach : go to the office and don't talk to me that way
ME : fuck you im leaving
Teach : go to the office
ME : no, but im leaving
Teach : where do you think your going
ME : to smoke a blunt you flaming hippie fag.

that would be funny, the real exchange was not nearly as graphic. but the same ending.
May 26 2003 6:53PM
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CalgaryJibber
Posts: 1828 - Karma: 19
i stood for a while, then sat again, cause its like, a pain sitting though, cause if you got a short bit of TP then it falls into the bowl and gets wet
'moseley kicks ass, you guys are just jealous of his money and all the hot chicks he gets and his hair...beautiful hair, so soft, oohhhh'-alpentalik

skiing with sunglasses is extrememly gay! but skiing with sun glasses on and goggles on your head is straight.'- Alpentalik

I swear to follow the teachings of JMMT

'say everyone under 16 cannot particapate in the forum conversation

and they can have their own forum called peewees daycare.
where they can talk about nintendos and shitting the bed' -seward
May 26 2003 7:01PM
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Caden
Posts: 3213 - Karma: 10
i've never actually once thought of NOT standing. i've been taught to stand ever since i was a boy. you take your shit, you stand, wipe, and then you're done. and if you wipe right, there is no need to worry about gettin the little places mercer... this leaning method, however, sounds interesting... i shal try in the near future, however, i don't think i will be relieved of my standuptivity.


first to figure out what lathgwanh means.
ns ogre crew
May 26 2003 7:25PM
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lineskier10
Posts: 11339 - Karma: 796
i still dont comprehend standing
--------------------
Creator of the NS Cousin Exchange Program

me think u need realize that we dun give a fuck..' cams

Stealth Ninja of the Silent Army

HIGH NORTH SESSION 4
May 26 2003 7:47PM
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timbojones
Posts: 572 - Karma: 10
after the main show, you need to stand up, not sit around for the wiping



Timbo Jones isnt even my real name.
May 26 2003 8:03PM
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caleBCaleb
Posts: 1758 - Karma: 9
sitting or squatting is stupid. I tried it once cause i was in this public bathroom with a bunch of people inside, and the stall was shorter than my head, so i'm nott gonna, like, stand up and let them see my expression while i'm wiping my ass, so i tried the squat, and it took too much effort.
:::::::::::::::::::

-Caleb
(SMS SESSION 2)
''...ride away clean and smiling, and taunt the rail by waving around your middle finger at it. (Note: if you have mittens on then it's important to take them off before preforming this procedure.'' -Boyd Easley (on rail sliding)

This signature has been brought to you by the letter Y and the number 8
May 26 2003 8:22PM
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Parkboy
Posts: 2303 - Karma: 32
Ok I just tried this lean method just now, I got like 3 wipes but on the 4th wipe, my fucking leg cramped up. Trying to sit and wipe just doesnt seem to work
May 26 2003 8:24PM
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SkiHead
Posts: 154 - Karma: 11
You guys should be like me.. i only take a shit every week or two. even though when they do come ut its alot of pain... its much better in the longrun


________________________________________
***tubgirl is me hero!

~:KeviN:~
May 26 2003 8:50PM
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PurpleSkier
Posts: 5634 - Karma: 311
i kinda just lean forward, and hope i hit the right spot, after a few shoot and misses you know where the sweet spot is, and i fold nice little squares, when its like wet shit tho, they have to be like thick, and then you pat dry, then wipe so you dont spread it all around
___________________________________________________



Living people have a strong interest of promoting the idea that somehow life is sacred, you dont see abbot and costello runnin around talkin about this shit do ya? we're not hearin a whole lot from mussilini on the subject, Whats the latest from JFK??? NOT A GODDAMN THING, cuz JFK mussilini, and abbot and costello are fuckin dead.....they're fuckin dead! and dead people give less than a shit about the sanctity of life, only living people care about it, so the whole thing developes out of a bias point of view. -George Carlin
May 26 2003 9:04PM
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PurpleSkier
Posts: 5634 - Karma: 311
i also look after wiping so i can see if i got it all
___________________________________________________



Living people have a strong interest of promoting the idea that somehow life is sacred, you dont see abbot and costello runnin around talkin about this shit do ya? we're not hearin a whole lot from mussilini on the subject, Whats the latest from JFK??? NOT A GODDAMN THING, cuz JFK mussilini, and abbot and costello are fuckin dead.....they're fuckin dead! and dead people give less than a shit about the sanctity of life, only living people care about it, so the whole thing developes out of a bias point of view. -George Carlin
May 26 2003 9:09PM
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Aspen23NYC
Posts: 609 - Karma: 10
i used to do the lean but one day after i shit i realized there was no more paper. i grabbed some more from the cabinet and figured i shouldn't sit back down down. been a stander ever since.
May 26 2003 11:45PM
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jono
Posts: 1744 - Karma: 22
if i found out one of my friends whipped their ass sitting down, i dont think i would have an erge to ever talk to them again. how can you read freeze while taking a shit when you gotta stand up to whipe? that would be a balancing act im not willing to try.
May 26 2003 11:50PM
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freezed
Posts: 12973 - Karma: 500
just for clarification, you guys are talking about wiping, right? cuz whipping your own ass is just weird. its 'wipe' not 'wip' or 'whip'. they are totally different things.

:::Jeronimo:::

'Hey everybody! Lateralis drinks alcohol and smokes marijuana cigarettes! You're burned now, lateralis.' -Halo

Camp of Champions, Session B
May 26 2003 11:53PM
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jono
Posts: 1744 - Karma: 22
Hey sorry dude, this time around i will take the time to make sure i spell everything right, just for you buddy.
May 26 2003 11:59PM
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freezed
Posts: 12973 - Karma: 500
no, it wasnt just you. i was honestly wondering...no offense intended. spelling isnt that important, really

:::Jeronimo:::

'Hey everybody! Lateralis drinks alcohol and smokes marijuana cigarettes! You're burned now, lateralis.' -Halo

Camp of Champions, Session B
May 27 2003 12:02AM
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LC.
Posts: 5952 - Karma: 2,423
What the hell? Two pages on how to wipe your ass? But I do agree - standing up?? The logistics of it just baffle me.

Anyway, I'm learning unnatural wiping now - that's the future - it's all abotu the steeze.
May 27 2003 9:59AM
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SkiHead
Posts: 154 - Karma: 11
u can also cover your hand in tp and when ur constipated grad teh log and pull it


________________________________________
***tubgirl is me hero!

~:KeviN:~
May 27 2003 10:39AM
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SaraJ
Posts: 366 - Karma: 52
I tried standing today. I was amazed at how much less effort it took than sitting, but at home I usually lean, cause you never know when another crap is coming.

-Sara

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Member of the OTC!

Skiing is not for the simple minded, that's why they invented the snowboard.

skihood.com
May 27 2003 6:26PM
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sherLocke
Posts: 4701 - Karma: 8
it takes more effort for the lean, you have to stand up anyways its not like you live on the toilet. stand up cuz you can spread your cheeks and remove more shit. i tried the lean yesterday and had crusty bits of poop in my boxers all day it sucked and it like burned. fuck the lean, standing owns all cuz you can remove all the little dingleberries.
peace,paul


'handin out flyers is jus fuckin ridiculous...when you give somebody a flyer its like...say man...why dont you go throw this out for me?'
-mitch hedburg

'is mick nick and mike wilson the same people?'
-//d-lite//
May 29 2003 5:54PM
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Ryno
Posts: 31125 - Karma: 336
Got to love this intersting summer topics....makes me start to wonder about what people think about when they are not skiing.
and sitting down, geez n e one tryed to things that squirt water in ur bum.....like what the hell is with that
May 29 2003 6:03PM
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bitchassphatz
Posts: 6171 - Karma: 107
but the chance of dropping the TP after wiping is greater when standing. when ya lean, it never leaves the flushing site. also when you stand up after leaning, you pull the pants up as well, therefor allowing you to be more time conservative. and for you kid who get cramps, you're doing it wrong. you gotta find your lean, it jsut doesn't come over night. as for the stand, what if it was wet......and went down your leg....and in your pants.....good god that's sick.....if you ever wiping your ass while standing over my carpet i think i would be a little pissed off. do it over the water people. power to the leaners! screw the standers, that's how shit ends up in weird places.
----------------------------------------

I ride for that moment when I am hauling through trees, weaving in and out, in chest deep powder, and I can't even open my mouth, or the snow will shoot in the back of my throut, either choking me or quenching my thirst. That's why I ski.
May 29 2003 6:51PM
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sherLocke
Posts: 4701 - Karma: 8
first of all if you shit so bad that actual liquid shit runs down your leg then you have problems dude. second of all if you drop the toilet paper while you are wiping your ass then your retarted and need to go back to grade school. and if you worry about taking speedy shits then thats just dumb, taking a shit is one of the highlights of your day, its relief, its supposed to be relaxing, thats why you bring magazines on the can.
peace,paul


'handin out flyers is jus fuckin ridiculous...when you give somebody a flyer its like...say man...why dont you go throw this out for me?'
-mitch hedburg

'is mick nick and mike wilson the same people?'
-//d-lite//
May 29 2003 6:59PM
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Lateralis
Posts: 1228 - Karma: 332
wiping while sitting down.....never! ive been standing all my life,sticking your hand in the bowl completely and coming close to the water is wrong,


President of the OTC!

Everybody, Lateralis drinks alcohol and smokes marijuana cigarettes. You're burned now, Lateralis! - halo

'ive been shavin since i was in 5th grade, yea the girls made fun of me then, but now they grovel at my feet just to pet me' - Alex aka Ds91260

**NEWSCHOOL UNDERGROUND**
May 29 2003 8:24PM
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SaraJ
Posts: 366 - Karma: 52
ya, but if ur in school and have to get to class in like 2 min, then you dun have time to sit down or stand in you have to poo.

-Sara

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*
Member of the OTC!

Skiing is not for the simple minded, that's why they invented the snowboard.

skihood.com
May 30 2003 12:09AM
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skier_beast
Posts: 135 - Karma: 10
i never thought people could talk and ardue so much about how to wipe their ass. Its so dum. I could think of a million reasons why not to whipe your ass standing but the word retarded sums it all up. DOWN WITH THE STANDERS. this forum is probably the funniest forum on newschoolers. Thanks to whoever started it because i could read it over tons of times. Its like a presidentiel campaign but about asswipage. Peace out and keep up the asswiping.
May 30 2003 11:09PM
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SkiHead
Posts: 154 - Karma: 11
^....thats called ur period


________________________________________
***tubgirl is me hero!

~:KeviN:~
May 30 2003 11:58PM
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