Replying to Need help with screenplay i give money (jus need edit help)

first person who helps me out i send em some mula via paypal
here is what i need.
i made a sreen play for end (it is a verson of romeo and juliet with a diff social setting) i need someone read it and just tell me if i need more camera angles and actors emotions and if there is anything else you think i should chnge.

here it is (looks long but its not)

EXT. MOUNTAIN TOP– NIGHT

Running bear leaning against rock looking down onto her village as a slight wind blows through her hair. In the background she could faintly hear her tribe doing a spiritual dance around fire.

PAN: Around hills in the background to show the beauty of the surrounding area

CUT TO: Running bear sitting on a flat rock looking into the breathtaking sunset that is just about to pass below the hills.

It is noticeable that Running Bear is distraught over something that is unknown to us at the time. She seems depressed and her body hunches over the stone like a tired, old lady.

CUT TO: Jack down below, sitting by the stream hidden by the tall grass

CLOSE ON: Jacks face, which shows that he too is deep in thought.

Jack speaks softly to himself in a saddened tone.


JACK

She lays there, her image like a blossoming flower. You are as glorious as a thousand shining stars, a rock in the pond. Your reflection in the lake lights up the night with your beauty. It glows like a flame and makes all the of world seem right. You are my star and you will guide me through the night and turn everything around us that is wrong into right.




CUT TO: speaking to the moon
Running Bear unaware that Jack is there


RUNNING BEAR

Oh, Jack why must our families be so unalike. Why must it always be this way. Forget about their ways we should start our own. Or if they disagree we must leave this place and discover the unknown.

She turns hear head and looks up at the sky

CLOSE ON: Running bear’s face as she look at the sky


RUNNING BEAR (cont.)

We will guide each other like the wind guides the clouds until we find where we truly belong.


CUT TO: Jack dips his hand into the river looking straight at Running Bear

Jack

Should I continue to collect her words as the trees do or shall I intervene and let my flame glow bright?


CUT TO: Running Bear laying down on a rock gazing at the stars and talking to herself dreamily

There is a hint of wonder in her voice and she seams unhappy by the flow of her words








RUNNING BEAR

It is only the beliefs of our families that are different. The forest would still be as beautiful even if the trees didn’t get along with the river. What is difference anyways? The sun is different from the moon but there is still beauty.

CUT TO: Running bear pauses and turns here head so she could look at the moon



RUNNING BEAR (cont.)

They still share the same air, the same sky the same night. But they are at peace just like the river and the fish. What does a peace mean? The way the river flows remains the same. The swim of the fish is unchanged. Jack you would be just as perfect if out families where at peace and their beliefs would be just as cherished. Romeo we must bring peace and have each other as the reward.


CUT TO: Jack getting up so his reflection is visible in the water by Running Bear speaking a bit more loudly

The moon reflects into his eyes and it is visible that he is happier.

Jack

I trust your words just like the bear trusts the forest. Just call me yours, and make it all right. Our parents will see it more clearly and see that they are wrong.

CUT TO: Running bear gets up suddenly and looks around to see who is down in the forest

PAN: From Running Bear to the forest





RUNNING BEAR

Who is there? And why do you seek shelter in the forest and listen as I speak to Mother Nature?

CLOSE ON: Jack


Jack

I cannot tell you my name my love. For the night is young and the trees have not seen a thousand leaves nor the river a thousand ripples but most of all I cannot tell you because we are not the same. Our hearts may be alike but our families’ different like day and night.


CUT TO: Running Bear spots a reflection in the river

Running Bear’s expression changes and she looks happier and there is a gleam of hope in here eyes


RUNNING BEAR

The wind has whispered many things and even though ripples in the water there are few. It reflects your image and Jack I sense that it is you. For the nature calls in different ways but you and I are still unalike.

CUT TO: Jack sitting on a rock and pulling out his compass

CLOSE ON: the spinning needle of the compass

ZOOM OUT: form needle of compass to Jack’s figure

Jack

The compass may spin in different ways but it will point us right in the end. None of those things will be true as long as we stay as one.

CLOSE ON: Running Bear meeting Jack’s eyes

PAN: From the meeting eyes down to the fire as Running Bear breaks their intense visual connection

RUNNING BEAR

How did you reach the mountain’s cove the rocks grow tall and the fire bellow burns bright?

CUT TO: Running Bear suddenly turns to face

There is a worried look on Running Bear’s face and she looks as if she has just though a horrible thought.


RUNNING BEAR (cont.)

If you are discovered you will be killed. Because of the differences that you bear my tribe does not understand.

CLOSE ON: Running bear’s eyes as Jack looks into their deep beauty.







Jack

Do not worry. I was guided by the moon and the might of the wind gave me strength to climb, for I will make the journey a hundred times just to see your star light glow. Your ancestors down bellow did not cause me any woe.

FADE OUT