The pirate

this is a story that really happened. i have decided to share one of my great war stories with u each week. last week was a glimpse of death this one is called the pirate





our school had a costume dance at a hotel. the event had been hyped to epic proportions. word spread on campus like a wild fire and soon every last joey knew about it and wanted to go to it. with some consideration and thought I decided to go as a pirate. a sword an eye patch and some pirate clothes
before the dance started, me and my buddies started our pregame warmup: taking shots and conversing on the events to come. when the pregame warmup was done, we were all enjoying the effects of the alchohol and headed into the hotel.
when we arrived the place was packed with kids in all sorts of costumes and offcource hot girls in slutty outfits. as i entered the dance hall i saw the bar crowed with an enormous amount of people. i put my sword in my pouch and walked over to it. when the bar tender wasnt looking i grabbed some beers. for awhile my llicit actions worked perfectly. i had a beer and danced for a while and then went back for another one. i repeated this process about five or six times, a true beer stealing pirate. but eventually the beer had started to kick me a little too much, and i fell off the edge of self control. on my last attempt i spotted a nice 40 dollar bottle of wine. a true pirate treasure. i smoothly snatched it and continued to dance in a carefree manner. with the bottle in my hand i suddenly felt a jolt on my belt. i looked down and saw a plump mexican woman with an evil grin on her face and an extended index finger that was waving back and fourth. she said " you in big trouble" with a heavy authentic mexican accent. i pleaded with her and gave her back the bottle. but she kept saying NO NO NO!. then i tried to run, but to my surprise her strength was amazing. she grabbed my belt and dragged me left and right, causing us to crash into other dancers. my friends saw that i was in trouble and tried to shake the pest off me. but like i stated early this little mexican bitch had some spice and some strong ass muscles. she leeched onto my belt and would not let go. my friends tried everything to get her off me. one of my friends even grabbed her boobs and squeezed and twisted them, but it had little to no effect on the woman. i tried the boob approach too and then tried to tickle her arms off my belt. but nothing worked and she continued to hassle and toss me around the dance floor.
As the struggle continued she suddenly grabbed my balls which sent a piercing dysphoria throughout my body. I went down on the ground and a big ass body guard came up behind me and put me in a head lock and carried me outside to a police car. but i was a mother fucking pirate and there was no way i was gettin in no damn police car. so i elbowed him hard in the chest and made a run for it. he pursued me through an alley. i tipped over everthing i could find to stop him: trash cans, garbage bags, and old rusty pipes. put he cleverly avoided all my traps and even got close enough to tear my costume off. after some more small skirmishs he finally cornered me at a loading dock and said "ur mine now buddy" I was almost sure i had been conquered but in one last desperate attempt to escape i ran to the loading dock, scaled up a semi truck and jumped off it an cleared a wall. after that i was finally free. i went to a parking lot and looked for a ride home. but as i looked at the hotel front doors, i saw that one of my friends was getting his ass handed to him by some soccer fags. i had to do something. a good pirate never lets soccer kids russle up his buds. so i risked getting caught to go help him. i punched one kid in the face and pushed another one. then i told my friend to run and he did. for some reason i ran too, only back into the hotel.
i got to the dance floor and saw the security guard and he saw me too but by this time the dance was getting choatic. there was an enormous sea of human beings. so many infact that the hotel turned the music off and told everyone to go home. bad idea. kids started to riot, knock over tables and started breaking everything in sight. soon the scene was outcontrol, i was lucky though because i was easily able to avoid the security guard. i ran for the door and looked around in amazement at the pandemonium around me. kids were throwing chairs, throwing up in the lobby, passed out on the floor and one kid in a jogger costume was even peeing in cirlcle. the scene was pure eye candy. it was a warzone of drunken kids in costumes.
as i headed for the door some girl gave me some chocolate cake. i pressed my hand on the glass door and took one last look at the scene at hand. As my eyes studied the environment, they abruptly froze and focused on a short fat lady, who happened to be mexican. yep it was her and it was pay back time.. i grabbed the cake and hurled it as hard as i could at the target. ...... bulls eye. it hit her straight in the face and she went down to the ground covered in chocolate. "THAT WAS STUPID". erupted from behind me. four fucken god damn cops saw the whole thing. i started to run but i felt a sharp pain in my side and fell over immediatly. the pig tazed my ass. I laid on the floor helpless and finally defeated. the pirate was dead.