Goths (rant)

Its that time again...if you are easily offended, Go Away! Also, if you are to lazy to read long stuff, don’t let the door hit you ass on the way out of this thread.


On with my rant.


Do you know what I hate? Goths.

I mean seriously...whats the fucking point? Whats so appealing about being a depressed little worm that dresses primarily in black and wallows in self pity. It’s a culture based completely on the prowess that life is full of pain, deceit, and suffering. Sure sounds like they are the life of the party doesn’t it?

“Do not be taken in by these false promises from the masses, the reality of life is empty and full of suffering. Do not conform with the mindless sheep around you.�

That’s something one of “them� might say. An absolutely bulletproof credo isn’t it. Where do they come up with this shit!?!? Goths seem to think that everything around them is just stuff waiting to go wrong. Great, so its society fault! So the brave little Goths are the only ones aware of the grim harshness of life...yeah, and I’m Bilbo Baggins.

Thats just their cover story. The reality of it is that they are not depressed because the world is so worthless and crappy, its because they are worthless and crappy. I will give you $100 if you can get a Goth to admit that.

A Goth’s life is so depressing. They don’t get along with other kids, they are mediocre at school, their “unattractive,� no one understands them, blah, blah, blah. Its all Grade-A Baskin-Robins 31 Flavors of Bullshit. They are middle class, white, and have their parents pay for all of their shit. They are a bunch of fuck-ups. Instead of being depressed and coming up with excuses of why you suck, do something with your life!

You suck at school: Do your God damn homework and study for class. Be proactive instead of a lazy dumbshit.

You don’t make friends very well: Then don’t fucking alienate yourself even more by dressing differently, acting differently, and closing yourself. So are you just waiting for someone to reach out to you? Don’t hold your breath. Take some initiative and reach out to other people.

No one understands you: You’re a teenager, we get it, and we don’t care. You think you have a lot to offer but you don’t know how to express yourself? The fact is you have nothing to offer. You’re still a kid, and kids are stupid. There have been billions before you and there will be billions after. Get over yourself.

You are depressed: MOVE ON! No one wants to hear your cynical whiny bitching. Grow some balls and learn how to deal with your problems. No one is going to solve them for you.

You are “unattractive�: Please shut the fuck up. We don’t want to hear it. You dress like a dumbass, color your hair black, and fill your body with thumb tacks...and your concerned about your appearance? Buy some jeans and shut your pie hole. And if your fat...work out. Did I mention how much I hate fat people? I think we should discriminate against fat people. Kinda like the civil rights movement, but backwards and only for fat people. The Obesity Emancipation De-Proclamation!!!

Where was I? Oh yeah...

So, your life is depressing...the great thing about Goth culture is it encourages you to dress on the outside how you really feel on the inside...so you make everyone else feel as shitty as you! “Fuck the conformity of the outside world, lets dress in unconventional cloths to show people how non-conformist we are!� I like the fact that your identifying yourself as a group that all dress the same and conform so you don’t conform with everybody else. Brilliant!

They dress in ass-ugly black cloths that are 20 sizes to big and that have a billion straps, loops and chains. Isn’t all of that shit kinda heavy? I guess walking to the mall is like a backpacking expedition.

And whats the deal with all of those ridiculous piercings they have? Every time I walk past one of those people and I half expect some yob to have a 3-ring-binder attacked to their chest. For Christ’s sake, if a Goth fell down a flight of stairs they would bleed to death! Why do they need all of the metal in their body’s. Are they hiding swords and ninja throwing-stars in their pelvis? Are they armed to the teeth and we don’t know it?!?! TO ARMS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thankfully, some smug jerk like me had a crazy idea. He thought to himself, “Holy crap! I could make a fortune out of this counter-culture.� And so it was, Hot Topic was born. It’s a conformist store for non-conformists. It has all of your Goth needs including black clothing, Slipknot posters, Adult Swim merchandise, and Merlyn Manson albums...what more could a Goth want? Did I mention that Hot Topic is a national chain? Did I also mention that Goths are non-conformists? Hmmmmmmmmmmm...I smell something, and it isn’t flowers.

Goth’s just dig themselves into a shithole, maybe if they keep digging they can make a grave for their sorrow. “Oh woe is me! My life is depressing and empty. Rather than moving on and trying to recover from my sorrow, I’m going to sulk in the corner alone...with every other person like me.� I hate Goths. They are lazy morons who expect life to be served to them. South Park said it best, “Go to a third world country you pussy!�

Before I go, its worth mentioning the recent spin-off culture of Goths, its called Emo. Emo is what happens when a skater and a goth have sex with a metro-sexual thrown in to make it a threesome. Except rather than inheriting some of the more interesting aspects (if those even exist), Emo gets all the shitty ones; the depression, tight pants, rebel without a clue, and of course the bad haircuts. Here is a shout out to the Emo kids...YOU ARE THE NEW GOTHS!!!!

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The only rich people who are truly lucky are the ones who win the lottery.

-Apple


~~Phunkin Phatt Phreerider~~
**Proud member of the d-loc fanclub**