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So I guess I'm a daddy...

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Big_Spence
Posts: 16177 - Karma: 4,352
..At least for this weekend.

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So I go to a jesus school. It's fucking stupid. And for a class assignment we have to take care of a fake child for 3 days and 3 nights. Unfortunately my three days happen to fall over a weekend where we're getting dumped on by snow.
Anyways, since this baby has been living the difficult religious life, I have decided to give an opportunity of a lifetime. A "rumspringa" if you will, and introduce it to not only the real world but the skiing world as well. So throughout this weekend I will be posting pictures with Kimberly Kay Kuhlman (her name) and her first experiences.

Now here is her first picture. Her first tag:

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I'm now off to take care of my hypothetical screaming child. Have a good weekend NS, because I know I won't.
Jan 8 2010 11:18PM
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An10a_Eng
Posts: 2505 - Karma: 26
hahah you look like a gay guy that just adopted that kid
Jan 8 2010 11:20PM
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An10a_Eng
Posts: 2505 - Karma: 26
also, is that girl in the background picking her nose?
Jan 8 2010 11:20PM
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*simba*
Posts: 9125 - Karma: 512
God damn you and your sleeper. I WANT IT!
Jan 8 2010 11:21PM
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Balto
Posts: 25985 - Karma: 4,404
spencer is a thug with babies

and this teaches you not to nock up andie
Jan 8 2010 11:22PM
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saucybiscuits
Posts: 2554 - Karma: 173
just tucker that little fucker in your jacket. it'll be fine.
Jan 8 2010 11:22PM
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Franny
Posts: 3980 - Karma: 77
You need a go pro.
Jan 8 2010 11:22PM
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geteducated
Posts: 6410 - Karma: 86
white pseudo father
non Caucasian baby
stereotypical name
white power group as initials








Jan 8 2010 11:23PM
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statutory_APE
Posts: 100 - Karma: 14
Is krob the daddy? Ho does it feel being a widow?

You should go skiing with it and wear a baby backpack. Throw shit off the biggest jumps and fall on it and see if anyone gets mad at you
Jan 8 2010 11:23PM
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Malcolm
Posts: 15951 - Karma: 9,451
you should take its head off, put it in the oven and then widen its butt hole while its still hot. then go shred and give it back to your teacher after the 3 days are up
Jan 8 2010 11:25PM
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pomme-de-terre
Posts: 3915 - Karma: 703
step 1: get a baby carrier backpack thing
step 2: cork 1080
Jan 8 2010 11:26PM
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An10a_Eng
Posts: 2505 - Karma: 26
do the baby and daddy stuff they did in jackass where the leave it on the car and fall on the bike and stuff
Jan 8 2010 11:26PM
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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,272
just have sex with it
Jan 8 2010 11:29PM
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breezepig
Posts: 522 - Karma: 5
but it back in the dumpster
Jan 8 2010 11:37PM
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*rkp*
Posts: 8198 - Karma: 257
shoulda....

Click for larger image
Jan 8 2010 11:48PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51588 - Karma: 161,716
I have special rates for ns kids.

As for those stupid fake babies. They did that at our school. For some class, i don't remember what. Child dev. maybe, idk.

People would grab the kids and throw them when they were crying in study hall. I'm pretty sure none of those children made it out alive. They had a computer in them or something that sensed anything bad. Getting punted down the hall way of your hs usually meant an f

Jan 8 2010 11:54PM
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Queen_Selassie
Posts: 1430 - Karma: 1,363
nice rasta satchel
Jan 8 2010 11:54PM
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statutory_APE
Posts: 100 - Karma: 14
Where is the abortionator when we need him
Jan 8 2010 11:54PM
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1337
Posts: 31053 - Karma: 29,231
whos that girl picking her nose in the first picture?
Jan 8 2010 11:58PM
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statutory_APE
Posts: 100 - Karma: 14
looks like he beat me to it
Jan 9 2010 12:00AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51588 - Karma: 161,716
I'm here, no need to worry. This thread is what happens when you don't take the time to call or pm me.

Be safe out there and remember, kids really are that annoying and expensive. Don't make that mistake the op did.

Safe sex, use a coathanger everytime
Jan 9 2010 12:00AM
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COrider
Posts: 1498 - Karma: 23
haha could turn out to be a fun trip for you
Jan 9 2010 12:02AM
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TheHamburglar
Posts: 3895 - Karma: 3,314
this, with footage. try and fall on the kid if you can.
Jan 9 2010 12:02AM
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Avifarer
Posts: 5926 - Karma: 598
hahah oh my fucking god
Jan 9 2010 12:09AM
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1337
Posts: 31053 - Karma: 29,231
after filling it with water and flour and re attaching its head
Jan 9 2010 12:11AM
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Negro_Jesus
Posts: 1789 - Karma: 91
haha she is
Jan 9 2010 12:17AM
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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,272
why couldn't you just leave it at home and go ski for 3 days?

do they think jesus is watching you neglect your fake baby?
Jan 9 2010 12:17AM
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prontocuts.com
Posts: 5244 - Karma: 42
Newsflash: non "jesus" schools also make you take care of a fake baby
Jan 9 2010 12:27AM
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860media*
Posts: 1575 - Karma: 10,519
pee in its butt
Jan 9 2010 12:28AM
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carbon.pulse
Posts: 3348 - Karma: 22
GoPro baby follow cam.
Jan 9 2010 12:30AM
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silex
Posts: 526 - Karma: 63
win
Jan 9 2010 12:37AM
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p-fo
Posts: 9372 - Karma: 6,155
youre in highschool and have 4300 posts?! i had to that last year (freshman). sucked major balls. i go to a public school. nerves were so shot the next morning. that thing will keep you up all fucking night
Jan 9 2010 12:42AM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51588 - Karma: 161,716
Slam it into something until it stop's crying. That usually works. OR leave it in your back pack in a gym locker.
Jan 9 2010 12:44AM
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wintersway
Posts: 5115 - Karma: 128
put your tall tee on, then put on a baby carrier that straps on and put the baby on your chest (like the one alan uses in The Hangover) then zip up your jacket and go shred. the jacket will keep it warm (pretty sure there is a chip that will make it cry at certain temps, and if it falls and such) and you are less likely to fall flat on your stomach.
Jan 9 2010 12:45AM
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cool.
Posts: 3457 - Karma: 1,724
you do realize the initials are KKK right?

the NS stick on its forehead is really baller

Jan 9 2010 12:46AM
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p-fo
Posts: 9372 - Karma: 6,155
i actually tried to do a good job because my parents made me and i was trying for a finals exemption in health class. it payed off with the exemption
Jan 9 2010 12:47AM
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teleak
Posts: 2251 - Karma: 105

it's a messenger bag

ha

Jan 9 2010 12:55AM
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[tightpants]
Posts: 1529 - Karma: 17
i had to do the same thing back in grade school and it was the worst homework i've ever had.  have fun waking up at 3 am to comfort a fucking doll that won't stop screaming and crying. 

but for real you should just tape its head so it can't fall back and do the neck breaking thing and then throw it in a backpack and go skiing.
Jan 9 2010 2:00AM
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Peter.
Posts: 23796 - Karma: 13,014
you look like an idiot
Jan 9 2010 2:02AM
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TheMoostafian
Posts: 4504 - Karma: 9,438
fake the whole thing? its not that hard.

you have it easy dude, my school makes you do the same thing but for a week in a half, and with a 10 lb. bag of flour, you cant rip it or break it or anything or you fail.

haha i named mine shithead (shi-theed)
Jan 9 2010 2:06AM
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beermuscles
Posts: 1821 - Karma: 100
omfg

i just laughed my ass off


it all just pulls together way too well
Jan 9 2010 2:10AM
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Franny
Posts: 3980 - Karma: 77
Or you could have bought a new bag if it ripped.
Jan 9 2010 2:12AM
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Peter.
Posts: 23796 - Karma: 13,014
if you get a video of you jibbing this baby

then that is epic win
Jan 9 2010 2:19AM
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geteducated
Posts: 6410 - Karma: 86
3 fuckin north face jackets.  in one picture.

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Jan 9 2010 2:20AM
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jeremy.g
Posts: 4931 - Karma: 459
or just set it somewhere for ten days and hope it didnt rip itself to shit
Jan 9 2010 2:24AM
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Scrambles
Posts: 2270 - Karma: 63
this
Jan 9 2010 2:37AM
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Big_Spence
Posts: 16177 - Karma: 4,352
So after one night on the town I really don't know what all the bitching about parenting is about. It's actually quite an easy job. I just gave it a little attention, a little fake milk and change its fake diaper every few hours and she's good to go. Either that or maybe it was some of the medicine I gave het:

Click for larger image

Also, I feel obligated to answer some of these questions:

1. These babies are all crazy high tech. They have sensors for a clean diaper, feeding, rocking, rough handling, ect. It even has a extra sensitive one in it's neck to tell if you snap it. Then, for added security, it has a sensor that can tell how far away I am because of a wristband that's attached to me. And forget trying to "beat the system". The babies themselves cost $750+ and there is like a charge for tampering with the electronics.

2. Yes, I'm aware of her initials. Do you really think that wasn't planned?

3. She's going skiing tomorrow. Maybe just in my backyard or urban, but god dammit she's sliding a rail.
Jan 9 2010 2:58AM
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DDrem.
Posts: 3552 - Karma: 24
jiberish hoody to class dude, good call
Jan 9 2010 3:01AM
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DJohnson
Posts: 444 - Karma: 11
hahah alright then
Jan 9 2010 3:22AM
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Flien
Posts: 139 - Karma: 10
Wow, I didn't know they were actually doing this. I only heard of it here through tv. Although it must suck to have to do during the weekend I think it's pretty funny to see one of those. Just glad they don't make us do this stuff in the Netherlands =)
Jan 9 2010 4:49AM
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